Path to Destiny
by butterflyswest
Summary: A chance encounter at his daughter's birthday party puts ray face to face with his past.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello, everyone. Yeah, here we are again with a new story just for you. Again, we are addicted to reviews, so please let us know what you think of this one. We would love to hear your comments and suggestions...So, without any more ado, we give you "Paths to Destiny" Chapter One._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

1

"Sitting in a bowling alley on my day off is not my idea of a party," Brett said dryly.

Ray glanced at his friend and winced as another shrill scream pierced his head. He resisted the urge to stick his fingers in his ears to block some of the noise and stepped back as three more six year olds raced past him, the one in front nearly knocking over the punch table. He sighed and looked back at Brett.

"It's not my idea of a good time either, but this is the 'in' thing to do in kindergarten this year. What was I gonna tell her? No?"

Brett shot him a look that said "Uh…yeah" before he turned back to the sea of children that swarmed around the lanes in screaming waves.

"I know she's only six, Ray, but damn. I think you take the 'daddy's little girl' thing too far."

Ray shrugged, his eyes searching the room for one little dark head.

"She's my world, Brett. If you'd ever get off your ass and have one of your own, you'd understand." He shook his head, his mood suddenly pensive. "Besides, she's all I have left of her mother."

Ray ignored the annoyed snort that Brett gave out. It had been four years since Lilly's death, and Ray had yet to move on. The cancer had taken her quickly, leaving him floundering. They had dated for a year, marrying in the same whirlwind fashion in which they had dated. When Molly was born a year after that, Ray had believed that he couldn't possibly be any happier than he was at that moment. But at the height of his joy, his sorrow had brought him even lower. A year after Molly had come into their lives, Lilly had gotten ill, the cancer already terminal at that point. There had been nothing the doctors could do that would have prolonged her life. Ray closed his eyes for a moment, the noise in the alley fading to nothing as he remembered his beautiful wife. She'd held on as long as she could, shaming him with her inner strength even as her body failed. He couldn't count the number of times he'd simply broken down, unable to bear the unfairness of it all. Then, one morning, she was simply gone. Just like that, he was left alone with his barely two year old daughter.

He'd done nothing since but care for his little girl.

"Maybe one of these days you'll start dating again. Give the kid a little brother or sister to beat on instead of Uncle Brett."

Ray shook himself from his reverie and scowled at Brett's oft-repeated words.

"Brett…" he said in warning.

"I'm serious, man. This is ridiculous. It's been four years. You're still passable in the looks department if what my girlfriend says is true…"

"Well, thanks, I think."

Brett rolled his eyes and snatched a cup of punch from the table. He grimaced as he drank it in one swallow, muttering under his breath.

"You know what I mean," he admonished. "You need to get back out there. Meet someone."

"Maybe," Ray said noncommittally, still scanning the room. "I just don't have time for that anymore. Between work and Molly I just don't think about it. We're supposed to be getting a new attending this week, and I'm not really looking forward to it. It's supposed to be someone who used to work there, but it would be my luck to get friggin Weaver back. I don't need dating crap on top of work crap."

Brett gave him a look that said he thought Ray was a liar.

"You're a guy, and you have a pulse. I doubt that you don't think about it."

Ray shook his head. He wasn't getting into this discussion for the millionth time. Especially not with Brett, who was just as bad as he was when it came to Molly. Brett would drop everything, even a girlfriend to take care of that child. And he spoiled her more than Ray ever thought about doing.

"The right woman will come along again, and you'll know when it's time," Brett was saying now. "You won't know what hit you."

Ray scowled, giving up on finding Molly in the madhouse. He turned to face Brett, hoping that the man would take the hint.

"I really don't want to talk about this right now," he said tightly.

"You never want to talk about this."

"There's a reason, Brett! I've only ever loved two people in my life…three counting Molly, and something bad always happens. I think for now, that Molly is enough."

Ray turned away, hoping that was the end of the subject. He didn't want to talk about the past right now. The distant past, the recent past or anything that didn't have to do with finding his daughter in the shrieking mass of six year olds that had taken over the party like some Lord of the Flies preschool.

"Can I ask you a question?" Brett said right on cue. Ray had known it was coming, but was hoping that it wouldn't.

"No," he said, attempting to weave away from his friend. He stopped short when another group of children milled past, each trying to beat the other to…wherever it was that these kids wanted to go. Ray was almost afraid to try and stop them as hyped up on birthday cake as they were.

"You ever hear from…you know…after she just split like that?" Brett asked.

Ray sighed and shook his head.

"No, I haven't." He was just as tired of this subject as he was of the dating subject. "After her husband died, she was just gone. Disappeared. Abby doesn't even know where she went, and they were best friends."

Brett whistled low.

"Damn. It was like she didn't want to be found then."

Ray nodded, wishing that Brett just had a friggin off switch. Maybe then, they wouldn't go round and round about the same thing time and again.

"I guess not," he said in a bored voice. "Can we please just drop it?" he asked sharply.

Brett raised his eyebrows in a wide-eyed look of innocence.

"Sure, man. I understand."

Ray felt his temper rise to the fore. That was another phrase that Brett had mastered over the years. Somehow, though, in Brett's mind, 'I understand' meant 'I know you're getting pissed so I'll drop it until next time'. Ray had had enough.

"I don't think you do understand or you wouldn't go over the same shit over and over," he snapped. "Every woman I've ever loved has either left or died, leaving me alone. All I have is my daughter, and that is how I want to keep it. Molly's all I need. Do you understand now?"

Brett searched his eyes for a moment before holding up his hands in a defensive gesture.

"Alright, then. I'll drop it."

Ray was turning away when he caught the "Until next time" that his friend muttered under his breath. But then he didn't have time to do anything about it because four feet of little girl hurled herself into his arms.

"Daddy!"

Ray struggled to get the breath back into him as he held his daughter close.

"You all right, squirt?" he asked with concern. The way she'd come running, he would have guessed that someone had just hurt her. But when he looked down into her face, she was grinning from ear to ear, bouncing up and down in his arms. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement and her blue-green eyes were sparkling with happiness.

"He's here, Daddy! He came to my party!"

"Who's here?" Brett asked, turning his body away from the pair of them. The little girl was known to kick out when she was overly excited, and he'd been hit in tender areas too many times to be incautious.

"Who are you talking about, baby?" Ray asked, setting her down so he could retie one of the ribbons in her ponytails. He could never seem to get them tied so they would stay.

"Raymond's here, Daddy! He really came."

When Ray simply stared at her blankly, she let out an irritated sigh of pure annoyance. He suppressed a sad smile, recognizing Lilly in the gesture. She'd given him that look often enough in their short marriage.

"That's you, dude. You're already here. What's…"

Ray shook his head and shot Brett a grin.

"Not me, moron. There's some new kid in her class. He just moved here about a week or two ago, and he's all she talks about." He rolled his eyes. "That's all I hear from the minute she wakes up to the second she falls asleep. It's 'Raymond this' and 'Raymond that' constantly."

"Oh. I get it." Brett grinned and nudged Ray with his elbow. "Looks like the little Barnett is falling in love. At least one of you has some sense."

"Shut up, you ass. She's six."

"Daddy! You said a bad word!" Molly's shocked voice broke in, and Ray blew out a frustrated breath.

"Sorry, baby, but Uncle Brett is being a pain."

She nodded knowingly and stuck her tongue out at 'Uncle' Brett, to which he responded by sticking his own out at her.

"Good God, you're as bad as she is. Now I know where she gets that crap."

"Now what about this Raymond character? We aren't going to have to rough up a six year old are we?"

"This boy is just really nice to her. He hit a kid that pulled her hair and made her cry…"

"I like him already," Brett muttered. "But then again, you know that whole knight in shining armor thing. We've tried that often enough. I think we need to meet this Raymond."

Ray snorted, glancing at the ceiling for patience. Brett took Molly's hand.

"Show me where this kid is, girly."

"You won't be mean, will you Uncle Brett?" she asked seriously. Brett glanced down at her and couldn't help but smile. He could see well why Ray was reluctant to get back out there into the market. If he had a rug rat like this one, he wouldn't want to leave her either.

"I'll be nice. I promise," he said, crossing his heart with one finger just for good measure. "Now where is he?"

Molly scanned the bowling alley for a moment before she smiled and pointed.

"He's right there," she said in an exaggerated stage whisper. "Standing with his mommy."

"Where, Molly-honey?" he asked, kneeling down so he could better see where she pointed.

"Over there by the door, Uncle Brett," she said in exasperation.

Brett felt the smile freeze on his face as he caught sight of the little boy and his mother.

"Okay, I see them now," he said, hoping that his voice sounded normal.

"Yeah. Isn't his mommy pretty?"

Brett nodded mechanically and tore his eyes away from the door.

"Oh, yeah. She's pretty all right. Where's your dad, honey?"

She turned to look behind her.

"He's coming out of the bathroom. What's the matter?"

Brett smiled and shook his head. _Everything,_ he thought.

"Nothing, squirt. Why don't you run off and get in trouble for a minute. I gotta talk to your dad."

She giggled and did as she was told. If there was one thing he'd taught her, it was how to get into trouble. Brett watched her for a moment before his eyes darted back to the kid and his mother at the door. Quickly, he scooted away, hoping that he blended in with the other parents that were standing around before she spotted him. He met Ray at the bathroom door and blocked his way.

"Ray! Gotta talk to ya, man. Like now."

"What is it?"

Brett grinned, unable to help himself. This was too much fun.

"You know that 'Raymond' kid?"

Ray frowned, trying to edge past him. When Brett moved to block his way, he scowled.

"Will you knock it off? She's six, not sixteen."

"No, man. It's not like that. He's here with his mom."

Ray rolled his eyes and tried to go the other way, but Brett blocked his way again.

"You are really starting to piss me off, Brett," he hissed. "You're acting nuts."

"What's new? But seriously, man. You should see this kid's mom."

"Oh, Christ, not that again. Let it go…"

"No, man. You _really_ need to see his mom. I'm not kidding, Barnett. It'll be worth it, I swear."

Ray ground his teeth.

"I'm not…"

"She's over by the door."

Involuntarily, Ray glanced in the direction Brett indicated just as his friend moved out of the way. The crowd in the alley suddenly parted revealing the woman and her little boy by the entrance. Ray felt his heart skitter in his chest only to thud against his ribcage with bruising force. It couldn't be. Not now. Not after all this time. He swallowed hard, unable to look away. Not even when she raised her eyes from his daughter to look at him could he tear his eyes away from her.

"Neela," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, all...:D We know it's been a while since this was updated. All we can say is that we're sorry about that. We will try to do better...work has been murder lately...:( We do hope that you will continue to let us know what you think of this, and thank everyone for your kind words thus far. We appreciate you all... 3_

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

2

Ray didn't know what to do. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He felt rooted to the spot, wondering if he was dying with his heart thumping as it was. It wouldn't surprise him. He wasn't getting any younger. And with a shock like this… She was staring right at him, a small uncertain smile on her beautiful face. A face he had never thought to see again. A face that had haunted his dreams until Lilly…

He blinked, thinking that this was some sort of illusion. He'd seen her everywhere during that first year after she'd gone. In the Jumbo Mart, at the post office, hell, he'd even thought he spotted her at the hospital. But it was never her. Lilly had taken that pain away with her own unselfish brand of love, but the memory had never completely gone away.

Which left him…where exactly? He didn't know. Suddenly, he didn't know anything anymore. All the arguments with Brett, all the lectures to himself about staying out of the dating scene, focusing on Molly suddenly seemed hollow.

"Are you going to talk to her or just stand there like a piece of furniture?" Brett asked breaking into his thoughts.

Ray tore his eyes away from Neela to look at him. Brett took one look at his face and knew that whatever passed as Ray's brain had just gone on vacation. He made a face.

"You're useless," he muttered and grabbed Ray's arm. "If you want anything done, you gotta do it yourself."

All but dragging Ray behind him, he made his way to the door where Neela stood looking almost as lost as Ray did. He smiled as he came closer.

"You must be Raymond's mom," he said brightly. "Molly's been talking about him a lot lately."

Her eyes snapped from Ray to focus on him.

"What?" she asked, her voice hesitant, her expression disbelieving.

"Raymond," Brett repeated slowly. "Your kid? It's good to finally meet him and his mom." He laughed and glanced at Ray who was staring at her transfixed. He suppressed the urge to bounce a fist off the man's forehead and pushed on. "We've heard so much about Raymond that we feel like we already know him."

When she still said nothing, he leaned forward and snapped his fingers in front of her face. She jumped as if a shot had gone off.

"Are you all right?" he asked, though he was holding back his laughter. "I'm Brett," he said when she didn't answer. "And you are?"

At that, she seemed to shake off whatever spell had been holding her and really looked at him. Shaking her head as if she'd just woken up, she finally smiled at him.

"I know who you are, Brett. You used to eat all the food in the flat, and I would trip over you in the morning."

He let his mouth drop open, feigning shock.

"Dr. Neela! It _is_ you! Ray said it was, but I wasn't so sure."

She made a face.

"I haven't changed that much," she muttered darkly, shooting Ray a sidelong glance. Brett could almost hear the turn of her thoughts, wondering if Ray thought she looked the same. Brett raised an eyebrow. He still wasn't clear on what had happened all those years ago. He'd been in California at the time, still thoroughly soaked in the dream of great things to come with his band. He'd gotten the short version from Ray…actually the drunken version when the man had called him to cry in his Jack, but he'd never heard the full story. And when Ray had gotten married to Lilly, it had all seemed moot. His friend had been so happy with Lilly that dredging up that past would have been nothing but cruel.

But things were different now. Ray was different, and maybe now was the time to resurrect that past.

"No, but I…_we_ weren't expecting you," he said finally. "It's been a long time."

A shadow crossed her gaze, and she glanced again at Ray.

"Yes, it has." She looked down at the children who were chattering like little magpies about presents and cake. "How old is your daughter today?"

Brett's breath hitched in his chest as he looked down at Molly. He wished. When he'd moved back to Chicago after Lilly's death, it had been to help Ray get things together before going back to California. But the original plan had gone out the window. He'd been unable to leave his friend in the mess he was in. Ray had loved Lilly to distraction, and her death had been hard on him. Then there was Molly. Brett had fallen in love with the chubby toddler on sight. Molly was a great kid, and if he could have one just as sweet, he'd have had ten by now…

A sudden screech filled the air, and he was nearly bowled over by a gaggle of kids running through.

_Or, maybe not_, he thought dryly.

"Daddy? Can I get Raymond a piece of cake?"

Ray didn't even look down at his daughter when she spoke. She sighed heavily, as only females can do with any finesse, walked over, and tugged on his shirt. Hard. Ray snapped his gaze from Neela to look down at her, his face still registering shock.

"What?"

Brett laughed when Molly rolled her eyes.

"Can I take Raymond over and get some cake?" she asked again, as if this was the biggest chore in the world, having to ask for something twice. In general, it was. The child never asked for anything twice. Daddy and Uncle Brett were both wrapped firmly around her little fingers. What she couldn't get from Ray, she could get from Uncle Brett. Life was good in Molly's world.

"Tell you what, squirt," Brett said. "Why don't I take you and Raymond over, and we'll get him all the cake he can eat?"

She smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Is that okay, Raymond's mom?" she asked, whirling around to look at Neela.

Brett swallowed back more laughter. He'd heard Ray called "Molly's dad" more times than he could count. It was like these kids couldn't learn names unless the person attached to that name was under the age of ten. Neela was again looking as if the world was just some surreal dream, looking at Ray with surprised shock. Again, Brett shook his head and took Molly's hand.

"Come on, girly. Let's let your dad and Raymond's mom talk for a minute."

He looked at Raymond and smiled. The boy looked at him as if he were some new and interesting exhibit. Shocking green eyes stared out at the world from the dark, serious face.

"How did you get your hair like that?"

Brett's mouth dropped open in shock before he ran his hand through his multicolored hair. Molly giggled.

"He goes to a beauty salon, but don't tell anyone."

Brett felt his face color as he glanced at Neela to see if she'd heard. He didn't want that getting out.

"Don't worry about my hair," he mock growled, and Molly laughed again. "Come on you two. We'll stuff you with cake until you puke." He looked at Neela and smiled. "It's good to see you again, Doctor Neela."

He started past Ray with the kids in tow. On his way past, he reached out and popped his friend on the back of the head, just to wake him up.

Ray turned, his hand on the back of his head, glaring at Brett's laughing face.

"What the hell..?"

"Taking the kids to get cake. I'll catch up with you later."

And with that, he was gone, trailing laughter behind him.

Ray scowled at the back of Brett's head before turning back to face Neela. She was just as beautiful as she'd always been. She had changed very little over the years. He wondered suddenly what she was thinking. She looked just as stunned to see him as he felt seeing her. A thousand questions crowded into his head, slowing his thoughts until he didn't know what the hell to say.

"Ah…How are you?" he asked, feeling like an ass. He'd never had problems talking to her before.

"I'm good," she said hesitantly. "Molly is your daughter?"

Ray blinked. "Yes. She's six."

Neela smiled, her eyes darting behind him as if looking for someone.

"I hadn't realized that you'd gotten married," she said. "It's late, but congratulations."

Ray swallowed, feeling his heart flop over in his chest. She didn't realize that his wife was dead. She didn't know the hell that he'd gone through to get to the point that he could sleep at night without crying. She knew none of it. At that moment, his temper rose. She knew no more about him than he knew about what her life had become. She didn't know a damn thing about him now, if she ever had. If she had ever been a friend to him, then she would have at least said good-bye. Maybe stayed in touch. At that moment, he didn't want her to know any more than was necessary.

"Thank you," he said, forcing a smile. "And is your husband in Chicago with you?" he asked a little sharply. It was petty, he knew, and he felt like one of the kids that were now tearing up the bowling alley. But he didn't care. He felt resentful of her presence. She'd taken off without a word and was now asking about his life as if she cared.

"I never married," she said, looking away.

All his resentment dried up. There was pain in her eyes when she'd said that, and he couldn't hang on to his anger in the face of that. He hadn't changed at all then. He'd never been able to stand seeing her hurt.

"Oh, I'm…"

She shrugged, and Ray felt even more like a jerk.

"You didn't know. Don't worry about it."

There was an awkward silence between them, and Ray ran his hand through his hair, wondering where the hell Brett was with his daughter. He didn't want to get into this right now. He wasn't ready. He bit back bitter laughter. He doubted that he'd ever be ready to deal with Neela. She was the one topic that he would never be able to deal with comfortably.

He turned back, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"So…" they said at the same time, and she smiled.

"Go ahead," she told him softly.

"So, when did you move back to Chicago?" he asked, avoiding the questions he really wanted to ask. Such as "Why the hell didn't you even say good-bye?"

"About three weeks ago."

Ray simply stared at her; unable to think of anything else to ask that wouldn't dredge up a lot of hurt and start a shouting match. Molly didn't deserve that. Not on her birthday. Ray shook his head. Neela was part of his past. A past that was long dead. He'd been right before, telling Brett to let things rest. He'd moved on, and so had Neela. There was no point in bringing those things up again. He raised his eyes to find Neela watching him expectantly, and he forced a smile.

"I'd better go find Molly before Brett gets her too hyped up," he said quietly. "It was good seeing you again, Neela."

Confusion and hurt were in her eyes as she too forced a smile.

"It was good to see you, too, Ray," she said, her voice strained.

"See ya," he said and turned to weave his way through the crowd toward the cake table. Brett was there with Molly and Neela's son, looking as if he would rather be anywhere but where he was. The kids were messily wolfing down huge pieces of cake, and laughing together as they swilled punch like pros. Ray smiled at the sight of his daughter so happy. This was what mattered. Not the past. This was the future, and he was determined to keep it that way.

Brett looked up and frowned when he approached alone. He glanced behind Ray as if he expected Neela to be with him.

"Where's…"

Ray cut him off with a look before snatching his arm and dragging him to his feet.

"That was uncalled for, Brett. I told you to just let it go."

Brett straitened, his face flushing with irritation.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," he said tightly.

"Leaving me there with her. Stop interfering in my life."

Brett searched his eyes for a long moment before he nodded shortly. Apparently, his little gambit hadn't worked. Either that, or Ray was just stubborn enough to continue the half-life he'd been leading up to now. In the end, it didn't matter. The result was the same, and he'd pissed Ray off to no end. That wasn't what bothered him. Ray was pissed at him almost every day for one reason or other. What got to him was the fact that he was tired of seeing his friend live in a void, going through day to day without any other direction than work. There was more to him than that. He had more life left to live than that.

Brett had had enough.

"Listen, Ray. I'm not getting into this here. For Molly's sake, I won't kick your ass here for being stupid. But don't ever…_ever _accuse me of that again." He turned away and leaned down to Molly. "Hey, rotten, I'm gonna take off for a little while."

Molly's face fell as she looked up at him.

"Are you coming back?" she asked in a small voice, and Brett offered a genuine smile. How the hell could he say no to that?

"Yeah, I am," he said with a grin. "I just have something to take care of." Like getting himself under control before he hit her father. He looked at Raymond and reached over to ruffle his hair. "Take care of my girl, bud."

"I will," the boy said seriously, so like his mother.

Brett straightened and glanced at Ray who was watching him warily.

"You and I will get into this later," he said.

"No, we won't," Ray told him with a scowl.

Brett shot him a sarcastic sneer before turning and heading for the door. Ray could kid himself all he liked, but Brett wasn't done with this. He was tired of seeing Ray act like he was dead, as if his life was over but for Molly and work. He shot Neela a smile as he shoved through the doors, earning a startled look from her. He was halfway to his car before she caught up with him.

"You're leaving?" she asked.

He paused, looking at her in assessment. She hadn't really changed. There were a few laugh lines around her eyes, and she looked tired. Other than that, she was the same Neela that he had known all those years ago.

"Yeah. Gotta get out of here before I get into it with Ray."

She frowned.

"What?"

He shook his head and stepped closer to her. He was just irritated enough that he didn't care if he was out of line or not.

"Let me give you some advice, Neela. I don't know why you left, and I don't care anymore." She narrowed her eyes, but he pushed on, ignoring her anger. "I don't know why you came back. I don't give a shit what your reasons are, but let me tell you one thing, don't mess with Ray. He's been through enough."

"I don't know what you are talking about, and I resent…"

"Resent all you want," Brett snapped. "But he's been through enough without head games. I like you, Neela. I always have, but don't screw around with him."

With that he turned away, not caring if he'd pissed her off or hurt her. He'd said all he needed to say. He found his car in the sea of SUV's and mini-vans, and hopped in without a backward glance. Let her make of it all what she would. He pulled out of the parking lot, and headed downtown to find a birthday present for his niece.


	3. Chapter 3

_Well, everyone. Here we are again, back by popular demand, and we've brought another chapter with us...lol. We want to thank everyone that has reviewed and/or read the previous chapters to this story. We really appreciate the kind words you've all given us, and we hope to continue to bring you chapters as time and the muses allow. So, we do hope that you will let us know what you think of this chapter. We like to know that we are doing a good job...:D So, without further ado, Chapter Three..._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

3

Ray trudged into the bay doors feeling as if he'd just lived through a riot. His eyes burned from lack of sleep. Nightmares had haunted his dreams whenever he'd found the courage to finally fall asleep until he'd just given it up as a lost cause. His body ached, a testament to the tension he'd been feeling from seeing Neela again. It had been a fight to convince himself to actually go to work this morning. Whoever was coming back as head attending certainly wouldn't appreciate a call in on their first day.

Not that he really cared at the moment.

He shoved through the doors, glancing toward the desk. He winced when he saw Frank. The man's hours had steadily gone down over the past ten years, but his sarcasm and sharp words had increased to the point that every hour felt like a full shift. Ray ducked his head, hoping that Frank would simply ignore him.

"On time, Barnett. Well that's a surprise."

Ray winced and shot him a baleful glare.

"I haven't been late in a long time, Frank, and you know it."

The old man shrugged and turned back to the paperwork on the desk in front of him.

"Old habits die hard."

Ray rolled his eyes. He'd been more than responsible in the past years. He was never late for work. He took on extra shifts when one of the younger residents wanted a night off. He remembered what it was like to have a life. Though it took him away from his daughter, he'd become the doctor that Neela had always pushed him to be.

He slammed through the locker room doors, shoving that thought into the back of his mind where it belonged. He didn't want to think about Neela. He didn't want anything more to do with her. He knew he couldn't avoid seeing her at the kids' school or at the occasional children's party, but beyond that there was nothing he wanted more than to forget that she had ever existed.

"Good morning, Ray."

So much for what he wanted. Her voice cut through his thoughts like a knife, and he cringed. He forced himself not to turn around, to keep his eyes and his mind on what he was doing. He frowned. Just what the hell had he been doing?

He sighed striding with renewed purpose across the floor to his locker, mumbling a hello over his shoulder. His little fight with Brett the night of Molly's birthday party had done nothing but piss them both off. Finally, Ray had just walked away before something was said that he would regret. The subject hadn't been brought up in the three days since, but Ray had seen the assessing looks that Brett thought he was hiding. He ignored them for no other reason than to keep the peace. Brett had been more than a brother to him since Lilly's death, and he wasn't about to destroy that over something as trivial as…

"You look tired," Neela's voice broke into his thoughts again, closer this time. He ground his teeth, shoving his jacket into his locker and pulling out his lab coat. Couldn't she take the hint?

"A little," he said shortly, wishing that she would just do what she'd done ten years ago and leave him alone.

"Are you all right?" she asked, and he saw her frown in concern out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm fine." He jammed his arms into his lab coat and finally looked in her general direction. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked rudely.

Her expression slammed tight as Ft. Knox at his question, though not before he'd seen the hurt in her eyes.

"I came back to fill the open resident spot," she said, opting for an equally chilly tone. "Luka told me that you'd just lost one."

Ray nodded. Hope had left six months before to be closer to her family in Wisconsin. All he could feel though at the moment was relief and dread. Relief that Neela was not the new attending and dread that she would now be a permanent part of his working life. He stared at her, old hurts and questions crowding into his mind like remnants from an attic. He'd thought all those things dead and buried, but he'd been wrong.

An image of Lilly's smiling face suddenly rose behind his eyes. He shouldn't be thinking of Neela and old hurts. His wife had given him new purpose, new love. He shouldn't be feeling angry with Neela for all that had happened. In fact, he shouldn't care what she was doing here at all. Molly was his focus. His life. A life that Neela would never again be allowed to be a part of. He forced a smile.

"Welcome back," he said. "We're getting a new attending today too. I almost expected it to be you."

"No such luck, Barnett."

Ray tensed at the all too familiar voice that echoed through the locker room and groaned inwardly.

"I friggin knew it," he muttered under his breath as Kerri Weaver rounded the corner to glare at him. She raised an eyebrow before she finally smiled.

"Disappointed?" she asked. "Too bad. Meeting in the lounge in five minutes, so get your butts in gear."

She was gone as quickly as that, her forceful personality trailing behind her like a wave. Ray exchanged a look with Neela.

"What the hell else could go wrong today?" he asked.

She simply looked at him as if she had something else she wanted to say. Finally, she shook her head and turned toward the door. Ray opened his mouth to call her back, to say something, but in the end, he snapped his jaws over the words. He didn't have anything else he wanted to say anyway. With a sigh, he followed her from the room, wondering yet again why the hell he'd come in to work today.

000000

Neela watched him out of the corner of her eye as she listened to Kerri speak. He looked more than tired. He seemed exhausted beyond reason; dark circles beneath his eyes a testament to more than one sleepless night. He'd not looked like this at his daughter's birthday party, and she wondered what had happened to put him in such a state.

Her mind blocked out the sound of Dr. Weaver's voice as she thought back to that day. She had never expected to see him there. She'd never expected the rush of feeling that would come over her at the sight of his face. And she certainly had never expected to find that he was married with a child. She tried to ignore the stab of jealousy that rose in her. She'd walked away from him. Her choice. But that didn't mean that she hadn't thought of him every single day in the past ten years.

She couldn't help but wonder, yet again, what Brett had meant by his harsh words in the parking lot of the bowling alley. The look on his face, and the growled warning had plagued her since that day, tormenting her with a meaning that was just out of reach.

"Neela! Earth to Neela!"

She blinked to find Abby in front of her, grinning from ear to ear. The meeting was over, and she couldn't remember a thing that had been said. But no matter. Neela smiled broadly and hugged her friend. They'd exchanged emails and letters over the years, each telling stories of the joys and heartaches of parenthood, sharing stories that only mothers would find amusing.

"Welcome back," Abby said. "I've been busy as hell with Joe and work or else I would have come to see your new apartment. He's in football this year…" She paused, searching Neela's face for a long moment. "What's wrong?"

Neela shook her head. Even after all these years, she still couldn't hide anything from Abby.

"Nothing. I just had kind of a run in with Ray…"

"Oh." That one syllable was all that Abby said, and her eyes darted away from Neela to look at the floor. Every sense that Neela had went on alert at that look. She knew Abby well, and a simple "Oh" was far from what her friend would normally say.

"Oh, what? Why is everyone so cryptic about Ray for God's sake?"

Abby shot her a look of wary confusion.

"Everyone?"

Neela sighed and headed for the door. Abby was just one more person that seemed to want to perpetuate the mystery that was Ray.

"I took Raymond to a little girl's birthday party a few days ago." She gave Abby a meaningful look and her friend's mouth formed a silent O. "Brett gave me a verbal set down before he tore out of there."

"Well…um…"

Neela scowled at her and snatched up a chart from the desk.

"Don't worry about it. He's entitled to his privacy."

She quickly scanned the contents of the chart, sensing the tension in Abby as she stood beside her.

"Neela, it's just that…"

"Yes?"

Abby sighed at Neela's cool tone.

"You can't deny that there's a history there. And, well…"

Neela glanced at her, softening at her helpless expression. She didn't want to bring Abby into her neurosis. That was the last thing the woman needed.

"I'm sorry. I'm just on edge right now. I never expected to see Ray again, and I certainly never expected him to have gotten married."

Abby frowned and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Frank.

"Hey, you two. There's a kid coming in about five minutes out."

Neela's heart stopped as she spun to look at him.

"What?"

"A kid. Her uncle is bringing her in." He grimaced. "Sounded a little loopy to me."

Neela missed Abby's retort as she headed toward the bay doors. She was so relieved that it was not her own child that she couldn't think of anything else. She wrapped her arms around her middle to still the queasiness and wait. She turned as Abby came up beside her.

"I see some things haven't changed," she said dryly. "Frank is still a pain in the arse when he feels the need."

Abby grimaced.

"He's gotten worse." She shot Neela a sympathetic look. "Listen Neela, I don't know what you've heard, but…"

Just then, a car squealed into the ambulance bay, sliding to a stop just a couple of feet from them. They jumped back to avoid being crushed as the driver shot from the car and ran around to the passenger door. Neela felt her mouth drop open in shock as she recognized Brett.

"Brett! What the bloody hell…?"

"She's bleeding all over the place!" he yelled out, his eyes wild. He snatched open the door and leaned in, emerging with a small form cradled in his arms. Neela caught sight of Ray's little girl, the front of her blouse covered in blood. She stepped closer and saw the child roll her eyes in exasperation at Brett's obvious distress. When she saw Neela, she grinned.

"Raymond's mommy! You're a doctor? You work with my daddy!"

"Molly-girl, you should be quiet. You could be…" Brett broke off and shot Neela a desperate look. Though he'd cut himself off, it was obvious what he was thinking. Neela fixed an appropriately severe expression on her face and reached out to take the child from his arms.

"I promise that I'll take good care of her," she said seriously. After a moment's hesitation, Brett relinquished his hold on the girl and settled her in Neela's arms. She glanced at Abby. "You'd better find Ray," she said quietly as she headed back into the hospital, Brett trailing her heels like a stray dog.

She carried Molly into Curtain Two and settled her on the gurney.

"Now," she said brightly, her eyes assessing the cut on the child's chin that was still bleeding freely, and the scrapes across her face that had already scabbed over. "Perhaps you can tell me what happened, young lady." She began to take Molly's vitals even as she spoke, though she doubted that she had more than a few scrapes and a bad cut. Molly was positively glowing with self-pride, a gleaming contrast to her "uncle" who was pacing with worry while he chewed on a knuckle.

"I was walking on the monkey bars and slipped," Molly announced proudly. Neela's stomach knotted at that visual, and prayed that Raymond had had nothing to do with that bit of mischief. She swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat and glanced at Brett. "You might want to go find Ray," she said forcing a smile to hide the sick feeling in her stomach. "I'll take good care of her."

He looked like he would rather shoot himself than to tell Ray what had happened.

"Is she gonna be ok?" he asked. "She doesn't have like a hemorrhage in her brain or something…"

Neela stared at him in astonishment, seeing him blink rapidly as if holding back tears. Well, wonders never ceased. She'd seen this same man laugh at the sight of someone getting knocked around at a club, but here he was, nearly weeping at the thought that a little girl could be hurt that badly.

"I don't think so," she said carefully. "But we'll run some tests to be sure."

He closed his eyes briefly and nodded.

"I'll go get Ray."

He spun around and swept through the curtain, leaving them alone.

"He's a little scared," Molly said indulgently, before whispering, "He's afraid of blood."

Neela hid her smile by turning to the instruments on the wall and snatching up a light. It was easy to like this child. Most kids would be screaming by now at the sight of blood. She had Ray's outgoing personality and self-assurance. Neela could see her father in her bright smile, but the rest obviously belonged to her mother.

"I didn't know that," Neela said. "Now, I'm just going to look into your eyes with this light, Molly."

"Am I gonna get stitches?" Molly asked as Neela checked her eyes for differences in pupillary response. Seeing nothing untoward, Neela leaned further over the gurney to take a good look at the gash on her chin.

"I'd say so, sweetie. Just a few," she added to reassure the girl. She needn't have bothered. Molly positively glowed at the news.

"Really? That is so cool!"

Neela rolled her eyes, knowing how cool Ray would think it was when he was finally found. He'd think it about as cool as Neela would should she be faced with the same thing from her son.

"Can you stay here for a moment, Molly, while I make a phone call and get a chart started?"

Molly smiled and nodded, though she grimaced a little as the movement pulled at her injuries.

Neela pulled aside the curtain and ran face to chest into Ray. She gaped up at him as he reached out a hand to steady her, his concerned gaze on her face.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't realize…"

"What happened?" he asked, his eyes darting past her to the gurney. "I couldn't get a coherent answer out of Brett."

Neela sighed.

"Apparently she fell off the monkey bars at school. She's got a nasty gash on her chin, and a lot of scrapes. I'll order a CT scan in case she hit her head a little harder than she's letting on, though I doubt it will show anything. She's a tough little girl…like her father."

Ray shot her a startled look before his expression closed tight again. He nodded.

"Thanks," he muttered.

They stood there a moment, both seeming at a loss for words. Finally, Neela cleared her throat.

"I should probably make that call," she muttered. "Would you like me to call your wife? Let her know what happened?"

Ray's eyes darted from hers, avoiding her gaze as he shook his head.

"Thanks, but I'll take care of it," he muttered and pushed past her to his daughter.

Neela watched him, a small spark of envy in her heart. She wished that…

She shook her head and turned away, giving them privacy. There was no place for her there. Not ever again. Making her way to the desk, she snatched up the phone.

"How is she?" Abby asked at her shoulder.

Wedging the handset between her shoulder and her ear, Neela glanced at her.

"I think she's fine, but I'm ordering a CT scan to be on the safe side. She'll need stitches in her chin."

Abby blew out a breath.

"Thank God," she muttered. "After what happened to her mother, I don't think Ray…"

Abby broke off as Neela froze and looked at her. She swallowed hard, looking left and right for an escape.

"After what happened to her mother?" Neela echoed. "What happened to her mother? I thought…He just said that he would…" She broke off, suddenly realizing that he'd never said anything about calling his wife. She gave Abby a harsh stare. "What is going on, Abby? What is everyone hiding?"

Abby sighed heavily and cursed under her breath.

"I'm so in trouble," she said harshly. "Ray's gonna have my ass." She laughed bitterly. "Ray's gonna have my ass for a lot of things." She shook her head. "Honey, Ray's wife died four years ago. Ovarian cancer. By the time they found it…" She shrugged helplessly.

Neela felt the breath freeze in her chest. A wave of sympathy for Ray was followed quickly by irritation. He'd implied that he was still married. He'd led her to believe that his wife was alive and well. She mechanically answered the insistent voice that spoke to her in the handset, her mind awhirl with this new information. When she hung up, she gave her full attention to Abby.

"What other things?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "You said there were other things that he'd be angry about."

Abby rolled her eyes and grimaced in disgust; either with her or Neela's insistence it didn't matter.

"I kind of told him that I didn't know where you were," she admitted reluctantly. "He drove me nuts asking where you were until he met Lilly…"

Neela spun away, no longer listening. She felt suddenly sick. Had she only known…

But what would she have done if she had known about Ray, his wife, his child? She had moved away. Left the country with her tail firmly tucked between her legs, unable to deal with Michael's death, with Ray, with her own tempestuous feelings. She had allowed fear to chase her away from the one friend that she should have stood by until the end. And he'd paid the price for her cowardice.

But he had found love. For that she was grateful, though it tore her apart that it had been snatched so cruelly from him again. Tears stung her eyes. No wonder that he seemed so cold, so distant. Not like the Ray she remembered at all. He'd been through two lifetimes of hurt in only ten years. She snatched a suture kit from the supply closet and spun away, wondering if she should broach the subject with him at all. Wondering what to do with the information that she had just received. Wondering just what the hell she could possibly do to make up for all that had happened.


	4. Chapter 4

_Well, friends, we know that we just updated a few days ago, but this one is going too well not to share now. That and there have been dire threats...lol( you know who you are...lol) We do appreciate the comments that everyone has made thus far. You all are the best! We do hope that you'll continue to let us know how we're doing. Until later, _

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

4

Ray left the ER not long after Weaver had signed off on Molly's chart. Surprisingly, the new attending had given off nothing but compassion at Ray's request to go. Neela had actually seen her smile at the little girl where she was perched on her father's back. Molly acted as if the entire morning's events had not happened, bouncing on Ray's back as if he were her personal playground equipment. Brett hung well away from them all, looking a little worse for wear. Neela had offered to give him a scrub shirt to wear. The one he had on was covered with blood, but he'd refused. He looked even more miserable than Ray if that was possible.

Neela had watched them all leave, waving at Molly as she'd called out a good-bye. She sighed heavily, her mind adrift with all that she'd learned that day. It weighed heavily on her heart that she'd gone all these years without making certain that he was all right. She'd been selfish, wallowing in her own misery without a thought to anyone else.

Somehow, she made it through the rest of her shift, counting the minutes until she could retrieve her son from daycare where he went after school. After seeing what had happened to Molly, she had the overwhelming urge to see him, to make certain that he was all right. She glanced at the clock, and, seeing that there were only ten minutes left of her shift, she ducked into the locker room and snatched up her things. She'd had enough for the day. She was absolutely stunned to make it out the door without being caught and grabbed the first cab she saw.

Raymond was waiting impatiently for her by the door when she arrived at the daycare; his green eyes alight with irritation. She hid her smile at the obvious show of her personality. He was small for his age, but he more than made up for that in personality. Her father had always said that Raymond was just like Neela's mother in that respect. Neela had always hoped that that would prove false, but she tried not to linger on that overmuch. All she was grateful for was that he'd inherited very little of his father other than his eye color. That thought caught her up short and she shut the door on it quickly before she really lost it.

"I've been waiting, Mama," her son told her accusingly, tilting his dark head to look up at her and shifting his backpack on his shoulder.

"Actually, young sir, I'm early," she said, taking his hand and leading him to the waiting cab.

"Guess what happened to Molly today?" he asked solemnly. "She fell off the monkey bars and was bleeding all over." He shook his head with a heavy sigh. "I told her not to get on top of them, but she didn't listen."

Neela bit her lips to keep from laughing. She was always surprised at the things that children said at the slightest provocation, imitating the behavior of adults.

"I know what happened to Molly. I saw her today."

He gave her a sharp look of worry.

"Is she ok?"

"She's fine," Neela reassured him, running her hand over his hair. He always took things so to heart. "She just hurt her chin and scraped up her face a little. Her daddy took her home right after."

Raymond nodded, relaxing in relief.

"Can I go see her?" he asked cautiously. "I want to give her something."

"What do you want to give her?" Neela asked, a little uneasily. Seeing Molly would be seeing Ray. She wasn't sure that she was up to the challenge. Not until she'd had a chance to examine everything that she'd learned that day.

Raymond reached into his backpack and pulled out a huge jumble of brightly colored construction paper, dumping the mess in Neela's lap.

"Our class made cards for her today," he said proudly. Pulling one from the middle of the pile, he shoved it right beneath Neela's nose. "I made this one."

Neela took hold of the paper before her eyes could cross and examined it. It was a heart-like shape, and had something resembling a cat drawn on it. Her son was many things, but an artist was not one of them. Still, it was sweet, and Neela smiled warmly.

"It's beautiful, darling."

"So can we go to her house so I can give them to her? I promised the teacher that I would."

"Raymond!" Neela began, but cut herself off. What harm could it do after all? He was just a little boy, and his best friend had been hurt. She sighed in defeat and pulled out her cell phone, dialing Abby's cell number from memory.

"Yeah!"

"Abby? Where does Ray live now?"

"Neela?" Abby paused on the other end of the line. "Why do you…?"

Neela sighed and explained about the cards from the class and heard Abby laugh.

"Oh, well, since it's something as life altering as that," she chuckled, rattling off the address, which Neela relayed to the driver.

"Thanks, Abby."

There was a pause.

"You won't tell Ray what I told you will you?" Abby asked hesitantly.

"I don't think he really expected to keep it a secret forever, Abby," Neela said in exasperation. "But no, I won't tell him that it was you."

"Good. Because I have enough on my hands dealing with male egos right now. Joe just came home begging for a Mohawk."

Neela laughed out loud until she remembered that she too had a little boy. Her laughter cut off abruptly.

"Well, good luck with that. I'll see you at work."

She flipped her phone shut and leaned back in the seat. Raymond was looking out the window at the city passing by. She watched him, wondering what was going through his head. He'd lived his entire six years in London, an older city than Chicago ever thought of being. And the culture shock alone must be hard. She shook her head, turning away to look out her own window. He would be all right. Raymond was nothing if not resilient. He'd proven that time and again as his father had rejected him, over and over.

Neela cringed, wondering again what she had been thinking when she'd taken up with the man. She had just returned to England, settling in London and taking a position at the teaching hospital there. The only excuse that she could make was that she'd been lonely. Homesick for Chicago, for her friends, and for one hazel eyed rocker. She'd spotted Nicolas at the local pub, and her breath had caught in her throat. He'd resembled Ray so closely…

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the memory, but it kept coming. He'd resembled Ray only in facial features. That was where all resemblance ended. But she'd been so starved, yearning for something that only one person could give, that she'd blinded herself to the truth until it was too late. She became pregnant, and Nick had bolted. But not before he'd said things that would haunt her until she died. He'd returned briefly when Raymond was three. Just long enough to beg money from her and tell her that as far as he was concerned, he didn't have a child. It had galled her to be forced to ask permission from him to take Raymond to Chicago to live, but he'd given it quickly, barely looking at the boy while he signed the papers, effectively giving up all rights to his own son.

Neela sighed, opening her eyes and cupping her chin in her hand. She thought of the way Ray was with his daughter. How loving a relationship they had. Banding together because they were all they had. Each other. And Brett of course, she thought with a smile. It made her ache that Raymond would never know that kind of relationship with his own father. She had made so many mistakes. So many bloody mistakes that she didn't know if she could ever be redeemed of them. She glanced at her son as he rode quietly beside her. He was the one thing that she would never, ever regret.

"We're here," the driver broke into her thoughts. She dug in her bag for her wallet and paid him as Raymond slid out of the cab to the sidewalk. He simply stood there, his head craning to see the tall building. Neela stepped out of the cab, slamming the door and stared with him as the car drove away.

Ray's new building was far different from the one they had once lived in. The high rise towered over them into the heavens, all glass and modern concrete. No rough brownstone here. Raymond looked at her in awe.

"This is bigger than the Queen's castle," he whispered.

"Yes," she agreed. "What do you say we go in and take those cards to Princess Molly?"

000000

Ray collapsed in his chair and ran his hands through his hair. What a hellish day. And it wasn't over yet. He still had dinner to cook, and dishes to wash, laundry…the list was never ending. He was so tired at the moment, that he would have just curled into a ball on the couch and slept until Doomsday if he could. But he couldn't. Molly would be getting hungry. Brett would be coming back from wherever it was that he'd gotten off to, hungry and whining for food. As if the man didn't have his own place, his own fridge.

Ray's eyes wandered around the living room, the sound of Molly's movie in the background a distant drone. His eyes came to rest on the picture of Lilly he'd taken at the park the summer before Molly was born. She had been positively glowing, her belly a gentle swell beneath the blue maternity shirt she had been wearing. Her dark hair pulled back in a careless ponytail. His heart clenched at the sight of that picture, his mind replaying the conversation they'd had before he had snapped the camera. They had been so happy. So damned happy…

The doorbell rang, jarring him from the misery that threatened to overwhelm him. He was almost grateful to whomever it was that was intruding. He didn't want to go down that path tonight. Not after what had happened to Molly today. He pushed himself from his chair, hearing the movie soundtrack in Molly's room shut down and her small feet beating a track down the hall.

"Who is it, Daddy?" she asked, her fingers idly worrying at the bandage on her chin. Just the sight of the gauze was enough to set Ray's heart to racing, and sick fear to settle in his gut. If she'd fallen just a little more to the right…

"I don't know, baby," he said. "I haven't gotten there yet."

She made a face at him, wincing as it pulled at her wounds. Ray looked away. It was one thing to be a doctor and see this all the time. Quite another to be the parent and see your own child bandaged up. He made his way to the door and checked the peephole. As quickly as that, everything in his head suddenly ground to a halt. What the hell…?

He snatched open the door, gaping at her in astonishment. She smiled uncertainly, her fingers idly combing through her son's hair.

"I hope we're not intruding," she said. "But Raymond wanted to see if Molly was all right."

Ray could only stare at her, unsure of what exactly to say.

"May we come in?" she asked in mild amusement.

Ray finally realized how ridiculous it must seem for him standing in the doorway, keeping them out in the hall. He smiled sheepishly and stepped aside for the two of them to enter.

"Raymond!" Molly squealed behind him, and Ray winced. That girl could get out some decibels. "You wanna see my stitches? I got four of them!"

Ray exchanged a look with Neela, feeling nauseous. He had almost left the suture room when Neela had stitched her up. Seeing that had been almost more than he could take. It didn't help at all that he could see the same sick look on Neela's face when she looked at him.

"Go on," she urged the boy when he gave her a questioning look. "It's all right."

When the children had torn off to Molly's room laughing at the top of their lungs, Ray offered Neela a small smile.

"You want to sit down?"

She nodded and followed him into the living room.

"Where is your shadow?" she asked, and Ray gave her a startled look.

"Who, Brett?" He made a face at her nod. "He's hiding somewhere right now. Afraid I'm gonna kill him for what happened to Molly today."

"It wasn't his fault…"

"In a way it was. He told her a story about when he was a kid and walked on the top of the monkey bars. She, of course, had to try it." Ray sighed tiredly. "One of these days maybe he'll learn not to tell her that shit."

Neela laughed and began to wander around the room, her eyes taking in the neat apartment, the pictures on the walls and shelves. Noting the obvious feminine touches that Ray would never have thought of himself. He watched her with apprehension as she paused in front of the very photograph that he'd been staring at before she'd come. He tensed when she looked over her shoulder at him.

"Your wife was beautiful," she said softly. She glanced at the wedding photo next to it. "You looked very happy."

"Yes," Ray sighed, falling back into his chair again. "I was." He shook his head ruefully. "Who told you about Lilly?"

She gave him an impish little smile.

"I don't remember right now…" she began.

"Ah. Abby."

She chuckled and nodded before sobering.

"But it was not who should have told me," she chided.

Ray grimaced and laced his hands behind his head. What was he supposed to say? That he hadn't wanted her to know? That he'd perpetuated the lie so that Neela would leave him alone? All the excuses sounded petty or neurotic. Neither was something that he wished for her to see.

"I just didn't want to talk about it," he said finally. "It happened a long time ago…"

The look on her face said she knew he was lying. He never really had been able to lie for shit around her. He didn't want to tell her that he still waited some nights for the sound of Lilly's key in the door. He refused to admit that he could still smell her favorite perfume on some of the clothes in the closet. Neela was not the one he wanted to be telling about his dead wife. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I just don't want to talk about Lilly. Not right now."

He opened his eyes to look at her. She was staring at him with a knowing look on her beautiful face. She searched his face for a moment before she nodded and smiled.

"All right. So why don't you tell me about Molly? Why she is the way she is?" She laughed and shook her head, taking a seat on the couch beside his chair. "You have your hands full with that one."

Ray grinned, thankful that she'd changed to his favorite subject. For whatever reason, she'd given in to his need to not think about Lilly for one evening. As he spoke, telling her stories of Molly's childhood, listening as she told him of things that Raymond had done in his life, it became less painful to look at her. It almost felt as if…he shook himself inwardly. Their friendship was far from healed. Maybe never. But it wasn't as hard to simply sit and talk to her, as he'd believed it would be. He couldn't help but stare at her as she spoke, wondering what had become of her after she'd left. Had she found love as he had? Had she found some sense of peace?

"Why did you name him Raymond?" he asked suddenly, not realizing that the words had been said aloud until her eyes widened.

"What?"

Ray mentally kicked himself. He hadn't meant to ask that.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't…"

She raised her hand and leaned forward.

"It's all right. You just took me by surprise," she said with a sigh. "I…Bullocks this is hard!" She shook her head, blowing out a breath. "I refused to name him after his father," she said finally, looking at him with pain in her eyes.

Ray felt his chest tighten at the sight. He'd not meant to put that look in her eyes.

"If you don't want…"

"It's all right," she said with a shrug before she gave him a small smile. "I couldn't name him for his father, because his father wanted nothing to do with him. So I named him for a man that never let anything stand in his way. A man that would laugh at hardship and take what he wanted…damn the consequences."

Ray sat back abruptly, his eyes widening. She hadn't. It was some sort of joke…

"I named him after my friend," she said softly.

"Neela. I didn't think…I don't…"

Just then, Molly ran into the room, her face a mask of misery.

"Daddy, I'm hungry," she said just short of whining. She gave him a sweet little pout as she leaned against the arm of his chair. He glanced at Neela, cursing and blessing the interruption by turns. He didn't know if he wanted to hear any more she had to say on the subject. He wasn't ready to get into the past with her just yet. It was enough for him right now that he could speak to her without getting angry or feeling hurt.

"I'll have to cook, baby…" he said with a long sigh.

"Ray. Why don't you relax? You look tired and you've had a really bad day. I'll cook for you," Neela broke in, rising to her feet.

He couldn't have been more stunned if she had simply reached out and slapped him.

"You learned how to cook?" he asked without thought and laughed as she straightened her spine to look down her nose at him.

"Yes, I learned how to cook," she snapped indignantly. "I can even bake now if you can believe it."

"I can't," he muttered and ducked as she threw a pillow at him. Molly laughed.

"I like Raymond's mommy," she giggled. "She's funny."

Ray made a face and looked up at Neela, searching her eyes.

"You don't have to…I mean if you don't want to…"

She gave him a smile that he would have died to see ten years ago. Unexpectedly, his heart turned, bringing back feelings that he'd thought long dead. He sucked in a breath doing his best to squash that feeling.

"I want to, Ray. If you'll just show me where everything is, then I can get started."

He rose to his feet.

"Sure."

Molly clapped her hands together and scampered off toward her room, yelling at the top of her lungs that Raymond and his mommy were staying for dinner.

"I really should tell that child my name," Neela said dryly, and Ray laughed.

"I don't know if it would do any good," he said sarcastically as he led her into the kitchen.

000000

It was nearly nine when Neela finally decided that it was time to go. After this morning, she never would have believed that they could have had such a pleasant time just sitting and listening to the children chatter away. She had never seen her son so animated, so alive as when he was with Molly. And talking with Ray was just as she remembered it. It surprised her the ease with which they fell back into old habits and patterns. She glanced at Ray as she cleared the table. It was good to have a friend like that. One you could laugh with. Cry with. Know so well that you didn't need to ask what they needed, you just knew.

She'd had that once, and tonight she'd caught a glimpse of it again.

Ray sent the kids to Molly's room to put away the toys they had surely dragged out as he stacked dishes in the sink.

"Don't worry about these," he said. "I'll get them in the morning."

Neela frowned up at him.

"Are you sure, it wouldn't be any trouble."

He smiled at her, sending her heart to pounding. She had missed that smile so much. She'd dreamed of that smile nearly every night since she'd gone, and to see it now, after all that had gone on between them, was nothing short of miraculous.

"You've done enough for me…for _us_ tonight."

She searched his eyes, sensing something just beneath the surface, but she couldn't see it clearly.

"It was my pleasure," she said softly.

They stood there for a long moment, eyes locked, so many unspoken words between them. After what seemed an eternity, Ray broke the spell that had come over them, tearing his gaze from hers and taking a step away. Neela had a sudden sense that some opportunity had just then slipped away; that a moment had passed that would never come again. She swallowed hard, pushing that thought to the back of her mind. If there was nothing she had learned in the past years, she had learned that it was never too late. There was always a second chance.

Even for someone like her.

"Ray, I…"

"Neela, please. Don't." He said, seeming to pull the words from somewhere deep and hurtful. "I don't want to dredge up the past tonight. I don't want to talk about…about what happened then." He blew out a breath and turned pleading eyes on her. "I just want to let it rest."

Neela's heart clenched in response to the pain in his eyes. It was the last thing that she'd expected him to say, and the last thing she'd wanted to do.

"I didn't come here to hurt you," she said. "I came here tonight to make sure that you and Molly were all right." She smiled. "She's a wonderful little girl, Ray. You should be very proud of what you've done with her."

He shook his head.

"I haven't done enough. I can't be…" He broke off, but the meaning was clear. He couldn't be her mother.

Neela squeezed her eyes shut briefly before opening them to look at him. He had changed. More than she would have thought possible. It broke her heart that the man she'd once known had become a shell. And she didn't know what to do to change that. Saying that it wasn't her place was simply wrong. She couldn't let this happen. Not to Ray. The man whose name now graced the most precious thing in her life.

"You've done all you could, and that's all anyone can ask of you, Ray," she said urgently. She took a breath. "You've done a wonderful job, Ray. Lilly would be proud of you."

"And how the hell would you know?" he asked bitterly.

She ignored the stab of pained anger that cut through her. He was hurting, speaking out of anger. She stepped closer and placed her hand on his arm.

"I'm a mother, and I can see that she's loved. And happy. And she loves you very much. I don't need to know Lilly to know that she would be ecstatic with what you've done with your daughter." She paused, pushing on though every instinct in her told her to be silent. "You are the most wonderful man I've ever known, Ray. And for the record, I wanted my son to have the bravery and compassion that you have. That's why I gave him your name. Because I never forgot you. I never stopped thinking about you."

"Neela. I don't…"

"I know you don't want to talk about this. And I'll respect your wishes," she said quietly. "I just wanted you to know that. I wanted you to understand at least that."

She edged by him and walked toward the hallway where she could hear the children laughing together.

"Neela?"

She paused, turning her head to look at him.

"Thank you. For tonight, I mean."

He looked so alone, standing there at the end of the counter. One hand rested on the countertop, the other was jammed in the pocket of his jeans. And the look in his eyes…She'd never seen that expression in his face before, and it broke her heart.

"You're welcome," she whispered softly before striding slowly down the hall to retrieve her son.


	5. Chapter 5

_First and foremost, we want to thank everyone who has reviewed on the previous chapters. You all are the best, and we really appreciate everything that you told us! So, thank you! Next, we want to say that this story is just flowing along, so we hope that we can update very soon...RL and the Muses allowing...lol! We do hope that all of you will continue to let us know what you think of this story as we go. You are the reason that we do what we do...:D So, until later,_

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

5

Ray breathed a sigh of relief when she was gone. He'd come so close, so damn close to simply saying everything that should have been said ten years before. He had stopped himself at the last moment. Bringing all that up would have been wrong after the evening they had spent. He'd had a wonderful time just talking to her, getting to know her all over again. It hadn't been as hard as he'd believed it would be. That was his only excuse for almost making a fool of himself. Thankfully, he'd come to his senses.

It had been hard though. Harder than he would ever have believed possible.

He turned away from the door and called for Molly. It was well past her bedtime. He went through the nighttime rituals they had both come to rely on. Bath and hair brushing. Then story time that she could never quite stay awake for. He closed the book when it was obvious that she'd fallen asleep and simply sat there staring down at her. She was so beautiful. In slumber, she was the image of her mother. Her dark hair curled ever so slightly as it lay across the pillow. Dark lashes rested like raven's wings across her perfect cheeks. He gently brushed a stray curl out of her face and smiled when she stirred, frowning. He stood, placing the unfinished story book on the nightstand and went to the door. He flipped off the light and stepped into the hall just as the front door opened.

"Hey, Ray. Where you at?"

Ray raised an eyebrow at Brett's unusually subdued tone. He was really in a bad way if he was being at least respectful of Molly's bedtime. Ray went down the hall and emerged just in time to see his friend open the fridge to scrounge for food.

"I thought you were home for the night," he said, grabbing the fridge door before Brett could slam it to snag a beer from the crisper drawer. He'd never liked lettuce anyway.

Brett shot him a sheepish look as he carried an armful of leftovers to the counter. He popped a container in the microwave before he turned to lean against the counter facing Ray.

"I wanted to make sure she was all right," he said, his face twisted in unhappiness. "Man, I am so sorry I ever told her that story."

Ray took a sip of beer to hide his smile.

"Don't worry about it, Brett. You didn't mean for her to actually try it."

"I should have known that she'd want to though." Brett ran a hand through his hair, tousling the different colored strands every which way. "I thought I was gonna have a friggin heart attack when the school called me."

Ray was almost glad that they'd come to the arrangement that they had. Since Ray was a doctor at County, it had been agreed that the school would call Brett in the event of an emergency. It saved time, since Molly would be taken to County anyway. Ray didn't know if he would have been able to stay sane for even the few minutes it would have taken to get to the school had the call come to him. He probably would have come unglued.

Brett turned at the bell and pulled the bowl from the microwave only to replace it with another. He dug a fork out of the drawer and started eating right from the container.

"Jesus!" he said in surprise. "This is good! What did you take a cooking class since last night?"

"Bite me, Brett."

"I'm serious. When the hell did you learn how to cook like this?"

Ray scowled and sipped his beer.

"You never complained about my cooking before. And I don't see you in the kitchen unless you're raiding the fridge." He paused, avoiding looking at Brett directly. "Neela came over. She cooked."

The silence was so profound that they both jumped when the microwave bell went off. Ray glanced at Brett to find his friend's wide innocent eyes locked on him.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"Neela came over? Tonight? And cooked?"

Ray scowled at him, knowing what was going through that gloriously empty head of his. Especially when a slow stupid smile lit up his face.

"Did you suddenly go deaf? Neela came over and cooked. What's so hard to understand? And wipe that smile off your face. It was just dinner."

He rose from his seat, beer in hand, and went to the living room. He hoped that Brett would just let it drop there, but knew that he wouldn't. Brett was immune to subtle hints. The only thing that had any effect on Brett was blunt force.

"Just dinner. Dinner leads to other things. Interesting things…"

"Unwelcome things," Ray retorted. "I don't want…"

"You never want!" Brett snapped good-naturedly around a mouthful of food. "That's the problem. What would it hurt to go out, have fun?"

Ray took a long drink from his beer, unwilling to answer that question. The truth was, he didn't know. He didn't know what would happen if he ever went out and tried to be who he once was. What he did know was that he was afraid to find out.

"Are you gonna ask her out?" Brett asked bluntly, taking another bite of food. "Because, if you want to I could watch the kids for the night."

Ray froze and turned his head to give his friend an incredulous stare.

"You? You'd give up a night out just to watch our kids? You really want me to go out with her don't you?"

Brett nodded his head vigorously, chewing fast and probably swallowing the mouthful whole. Negligently, he tossed the empty container into the sink, and yanked the other bowl from the microwave.

"Hell, yes, I do! I want you to go out." He glanced over his shoulder at Ray. "The least you can do is ask her to dinner to pay her back for tonight."

Brett watched the emotions cross Ray's face in a quick jumble and suppressed a smile, hoping to God that this tactic at least would work. He almost had him. Almost. All he needed was one thing to push the man over the edge. It didn't really surprise him that Neela had come over tonight. It was no more than he'd hoped would happen. Even after all these years, nothing could get Ray going like Neela. Even the mention of her name had the effect of lighting a firecracker under him. It always caused a stir. And it was about time that someone stirred Ray up just a little more.

"What the hell do you care if I go out?" Ray asked.

"It's just about time you did, for Christ's sake!" Brett mumbled around another monumental bite of food. The woman had improved her cooking skill that was for sure. "You know, if I ever saw you have a good time without the rugrat in tow, I'd probably die of shock."

Ray grinned, and then laughed.

"Reason enough for anyone," he said, throwing up his hands in defeat. "Fine, fine! I'll ask her to dinner. But only to make up for tonight. I don't want to get into anything else."

Brett rolled his eyes and swallowed.

"For Christ's sake, Ray! No one was asking you to propose marriage to her! Its just dinner. And maybe a movie. And drinks afterward. Talking late into the night…"

"I'm already regretting this," Ray muttered as Brett continued his list.

000000

It took Ray nearly a week to screw up the courage to ask her. He couldn't believe that he'd once had little trouble finding women or asking them to do far more than what he was trying to ask Neela. He cringed inwardly, thinking back on all the nights that he'd brought home groupies just for the night. He knew that she often complained about the noise that he'd made with his conquests. Noise that she'd been forced to listen to through the walls. He wouldn't blame her if after all that, she simply told him to go to hell.

But that had been a different time, a different man. He'd come a long way toward growing up since that time. In fact, he'd not had a date since…With surprise, he realized that he'd not been out on a date with anyone in two years. And that one had ended badly. He winced. It hadn't even started well. It had been some woman that Brett had set him up with. Too young really for him, but he'd gone out for no other reason than to get Brett off his ass. It was a disaster from the moment they'd said hello. She'd looked him over, found something lacking, and had simply taken it from there. Not that Ray had cared. He hadn't wanted to go out with her to begin with.

But this was different. This was Neela.

He saw her coming out of Exam One, her eyes on the chart in her hands, and his heart skipped a beat. It was now or never. He tightened his fingers on the chart he held and rounded the admit desk toward her. He was starting to opt for never.

"Hey," he said and cursed himself. _Can't I come up with something better than that? _he thought in irritation.

"Hi," she answered absently, still frowning down at her chart.

"Uhm…can we talk?"

She paused before glancing up at him. She searched his eyes for a moment before nodding.

He took her arm and glanced around before leading her to the lounge. He felt like a friggin high school kid, trying to hide his latest crush from the rest of the class. It was embarrassing.

And what made it worse, she was grinning at him as if she knew exactly how he felt.

"What is going on?" she asked amused. "You've been jumpy all week, and now you're acting like James Bond with a massive secret to hide."

He shot her a sarcastic look and stepped closer to her.

"I just…I wanna thank you for dinner the other night. Molly had a great time."

She smiled, her eyes glued to his face.

"You're welcome. Raymond keeps asking when we're coming back."

"Speaking of which, let me just thank you now for that," he groused. "Molly now wants to play soccer because _Raymond_ says it's the cool thing to do in England."

Neela laughed, and Ray felt his heart turn over. She was beautiful when she laughed. She always had been, and he'd done all he could in the old days to get her to laugh.

"Somehow, the thought of you at a soccer match is a bit hard to swallow," she chuckled.

He took a deep breath, trying to dig deep for the old confident Ray. He hadn't brought her in here to talk about the kids or soccer. He'd brought her here to ask her to go to dinner with him. He'd told Brett that this was just to say thanks. He'd done all he could to convince himself of the same thing. But somehow, it felt like more than that. It felt…like he was taking a step toward some major crossroads in his life and he needed to make a decision on which direction to take.

It was one of the most frightening things he'd ever done.

"Listen, Neela…"

"Hey, guys!"

Ray cursed under his breath as Abby pushed through the door. He shot her a look of annoyance, stopping her dead in her tracks.

"What? What did I do?"

"Nothing," he muttered under his breath and gave Neela a look of near desperation. She seemed to get the message and offered an apologetic smile to her friend.

"Could you just give us a minute, Abby? I'll be right there."

Abby's gaze bounced between them as if she were watching a tennis match. A smug smile lit up her face and she nodded, visibly struggling to stay serious.

"Sure," she said, backing out of the room. "I'll just come back later."

Ray blew out a breath as Neela again turned her attention on him. He attempted a smile, but fell well short of the mark.

"Did you ever feel like you were doomed?" he asked.

She laughed.

"Many times." She paused, ducking her head to catch his gaze. "What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"I wanted…." He paused, suddenly feeling like the biggest ass in the world. _I'm getting too old for this shit_, he thought wryly. "I wanted to know if I could take you out to dinner tonight. To say thanks for the other night…"

She stilled, her eyes locked on his. He felt his face heat up when she said nothing, just continued to stare at him as if she'd suddenly been turned to stone.

"If you don't want to…" he began, ready to beat a hasty retreat.

"I'd love to," she broke in, shaking off the paralysis that had seemed to overcome her. "But Raymond…I don't have…"

"Brett said he'd watch the kids."

Her mouth dropped open in surprise before she grimaced.

"Why am I suddenly frightened?" she asked under her breath.

Ray laughed.

"That's pretty much what I said," he said dryly. "But he offered, and he hasn't killed Molly or himself yet, so it should be pretty safe to leave Raymond with him too."

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better," she said with a grimace. She looked down at her hands where they gripped the chart before looking back up at him. "What time?" she asked with a smile.

Ray didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified. Both emotions were coursing through him at the moment until he didn't know whether to laugh or run as fast as he could. He heard himself mumble a time and saw her nod in assent.

"Its a date, then."

He nodded, unable to speak, and watched as she turned toward the door. He managed to smile when she grinned at him over her shoulder before she left the room. He fell back a little, the back of the sofa the only thing keeping his legs beneath him. It didn't surprise him to find his hand trembling when he snagged his cell phone from his belt. It did, however, take him three tries to dial up Brett's number.

"Whatever it is this time, I didn't do it. I got witnesses."

"It's me, dumb ass," Ray said, thankful that his voice sounded somewhat normal.

"Yeah, I know," Brett said, laughing. "What's up?"

"Can you still watch the kids tonight?"

There was a long silence before Brett let out a whoop. Ray had to pull the phone from his ear to keep from going deaf.

"You finally asked! It's about damn time…"

"Can you or not?" Ray broke in before Brett could go off on a rant a mile long.

"I had plans, but this is more important. What time?"

Ray told him, and listened as Brett started babbling about "finally" and "didn't think you had it in you". He cut him short before he really got on a roll.

"We'll see you then," he said, snapping the phone shut, essentially hanging up on him. He didn't worry about pissing his friend off. Brett would get over being hung up on. Ray sighed with relief. Brett could tire out even the strongest of people.

Then he realized what he'd just done, and swallowed hard. He was going out on a date. With Neela. This time, telling himself that it was nothing more than a "thank you" dinner felt like a lie. He pushed away from the sofa, just standing there for a time, hoping that when he left the room, his fear wouldn't be etched clearly on his face.

000000

"What was that all about?" Abby asked, grabbing Neela's arm as she emerged from the lounge. Neela looked at her, her eyes dull and stunned looking. "Are you all right?"

Neela finally nodded, not trusting her voice. The unthinkable had happened. Ray had asked her to dinner. Unbidden, tears burned her eyes as a spark of hope bloomed in her heart.

"I think…Ray just asked me to dinner," she said under her breath.

Abby's mouth dropped open in comical surprise before she started grinning.

"Finally. And what did you say?"

Neela shot her a sardonic look.

"What do you think?"

Abby raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know. With you, I never know a damn thing until the last minute." She glanced back to the lounge and smiled. "I'm assuming you said yes, which is why he's still in there. Do you want me to watch Raymond for you?"

Neela shook her head, relaxing the grip she had on the chart in her hands. She was certain that had the thing been made of something less flimsy than metal, then it would have broken under the strain.

"Brett's going to watch both of them. Raymond and Molly."

Abby's expression of terror drew a laugh.

"Better have nine-one-one on speed dial then," she said as she turned away, heading back to her patients.

Neela's stomach sank, realizing what she'd agreed to. Dinner…alone with Ray. Her breath caught in her throat and she placed one hand on the top of the admit desk, feeling a little dizzy. She didn't know what this was. His sudden change of heart in regards to her was beyond any expectations she'd ever had. She'd seen the anxiety in his eyes when he'd asked her. No matter what he said about this being just a thank you between friends, she could see that it was more than that. She could feel it. She glanced back toward the lounge.

And Brett was going to watch her child.

God help all of them.


	6. Chapter 6

_We want to thank everyone who read and/or reviewed the previous chapters to this story. We truly appreciate all of you and hope that you will continue to let us know how we're doing. As you've all probably noticed, this story is coming along quickly. We hope that we can continue to bring you updates on a timely basis...lol...RL allowing. Until then, _

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

6

Neela stood outside his door, feeling as if her heart were about to burst from her chest. Raymond glanced up at her with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Are we going in?" he asked.

She forced a smile and managed to nod, though she was shaking all over. She'd done nothing since this afternoon but move; afraid that if she stopped for one moment she would simply fall apart in panic. Every dream she'd ever had of Ray, every hope seemed hinged on this one night. As if Destiny were placing all Her hopes on what happened here. Neela shook her head to clear it, trying to bring herself under control. This was no more than a dinner date. A night out with an old friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

The lies did nothing to calm her nerves, and the distant memory of her father's voice only made her feel more ill at ease.

She reached out a hand to ring the bell with a hand that only slightly shook. She listened as the sound echoed dully through the door in the apartment beyond. She very nearly ran then, only kept there by the feel of her son's hand in hers. She looked down at his dark head and suddenly felt the peace she'd been searching for. She'd come back to Chicago for this, and she wasn't about to run again.

The door was snatched open to reveal Brett. He grinned at her.

"God, you look good," he said in approval, his blue eyes traveling from the tips of her toes to her eyes.

She ran her hands over her skirt, feeling the blush rise to her cheeks. It had taken her an hour to choose what to wear, and even longer to get ready, all the while feeling as if she couldn't get enough air into her lungs. Now, all that seemed worth it. It had been a long time since someone had complimented her in such a way. She only hoped that Ray would think the same.

"Thank you."

"Ray's gonna die."

"Let's hope not," she said, forcing a smile. "I'm rather hungry."

He laughed and stepped aside to let them in.

"Ok, kid," he said as Raymond passed him. "Let's set some ground rules now."

Raymond turned to look at him, his green eyes filled with apprehension, as Brett knelt down in front of him.

"There's really only one rule. No beating up on Brett. Now, you may see your little buddy Molly trying that, but I'm telling ya, don't do it." Brett smiled. "You don't wanna see me cry do you?"

Raymond glanced up at his mother as if to say, "You're leaving me with him?" and back again.

"No," the child said solemnly.

There was a squeal from the hallway, and a small body hurled itself toward Brett, knocking him off balance. He fell to the carpet with a pained grunt, fending off Molly as she climbed over him.

"Molly, knock it off will you?" Brett said, his voice slightly hoarse as he grimaced.

"Molly. That's enough."

Neela looked up from the two children on the floor and felt her breath freeze in her chest. Ray stood in the entrance to the hallway, rolling the sleeve of his shirt up his arm. It was the first time she could ever remember seeing him in something other than jeans and tee shirts and couldn't help but be astonished. A surge went through her at the sight of him. The blue button down shirt and black pants fit him well, showing off a body that hadn't changed with time. He glanced at her, and stood a little straighter as his hazel eyes flashed in appreciation. She managed to smile, though her heart was fluttering in her chest like a trapped butterfly. So that hadn't changed either. With just a look, he could still make her feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. And what a crush…

"You look…" he trailed off as if words escaped him, which was more of a compliment than anything he could have said. Rendering Ray speechless was an accomplishment in itself, and blood rushed to her cheeks at the praise.

"Thank you," she whispered. "You look amazing."

He smiled at her, and her heart turned over to beat feebly somewhere near her stomach.

"Ok, you two," Brett said, shoving to his feet. "Out. Both of you. I got it from here."

Neela glanced up at him, then at Ray who shook his head in defeat. Brett was just Brett. There was no cure for him. She sighed, and knelt down beside her son.

"It'll be all right, and we'll be home soon."

He nodded, his eyes already on Molly who was gesturing impatiently toward her room.

"Bye, Daddy," she called over her shoulder as she raced Raymond down the hall.

Neela exchanged a bemused look with Ray.

"I see how I rate," she said wryly.

"Yeah, about the same as I do," he said, crossing the room to scoop his keys from the counter and drop them in his pocket. He looked at Brett. "You have my cell number if anything happens."

"We're cool," Brett said brightly, opening the door. He all but shoved them out the door, babbling assurances that everything would be great, have fun, don't do anything he wouldn't do. Before Neela knew what was happening, the door had shut tightly behind them.

Ray looked back at the door and sighed.

"There isn't much he wouldn't do," he said under his breath, before he looked at Neela. "Are you ready?"

She nodded. Ready or not, the time had come, and she wasn't about to waste one moment. She'd waited far too long for this.

000000

Ray poured more wine and looked at her where she sat on the sofa. The light from the candles she'd lit danced across her honey colored skin and brought out a glow in her eyes that set his blood on fire. Her apartment had been only a short walk from the restaurant, and even against his better judgment, they had gone there. He couldn't regret it. It felt good to be so relaxed with her. Even more, he couldn't believe that this was happening. He couldn't believe that they could ever come to the place they were now. There had been an initial awkwardness, but after that...the talking had begun, and hadn't stopped since. It felt good. Better than he would have believed. He'd forgotten how good it felt to talk with a woman like this. To have an attractive woman look at him with that light in her eyes and listen; really _listen_ to what he was saying. He'd missed that.

No, it was more than that. He'd missed _her. _And when she'd taken his hand as they were walking, he'd felt ten feet tall.

"So, what made you want to move back to Chicago?" he asked, setting the wine bottle aside. They'd carefully avoided some topics, though the questions had burned in his mind. But he didn't want to talk about those things tonight. He wanted…he wanted to know her again before he turned to those things.

But when she gave him a startled look at his question, he wondered if he hadn't stepped into dangerous territory.

"I…"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to pry."

She tilted her head to the side, giving him an assessing look.

"I have…_had_ a lot of reasons to move back. But that's not what you really want to know. Is it, Ray?"

He winced and sank against the sofa back.

"I guess not," he said softly, bowing to the inevitable. He'd ruined the night. Ruined everything they'd come to. Blowing out a breath, he looked across the space separating them, feeling the old hurt seep into him. "Why did you leave in the first place, Neela?"

Her sigh seemed to come from somewhere near her toes as she set aside her glass.

"I was…I couldn't deal with…" She broke off and closed her eyes. "After Michael died, I was lost, Ray. I didn't know what to do or where to go." She opened her eyes and offered a pleading look. "And I couldn't handle that. I thought that if I returned home, went back to England, that I would be able to find my center."

"You didn't have to just disappear, Neela. I would have been there…dammit, I _was_ there…" he trailed off, and took a swallow of wine, almost wishing that it was something stronger. Now that the old wounds were exposed, there was no stopping the pain that he was feeling, had been feeling for years. Pain he'd thought long gone.

"I know you were, Ray. That was part of the problem."

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"I needed to discover who I was. I'd lost my husband, Ray." She paused, her eyes locked on his. "That was hard enough. But knowing that I lost him while falling for another man…that was too much to take."

The words echoed through his head with sickening force. He searched her eyes, looking for a lie. Seeing nothing but open honesty, he felt the breath rush from his lungs. His mind suddenly went blank of everything but her. He closed his eyes, his mind trained on memories of the past. The night she'd moved out. The moment on the roof when she'd said…said hurtful things.

The day she'd disappeared from his life altogether.

And in all those moments, all that time, he'd never known, never even guessed that she'd cared for him like that. He'd believed… With a harsh sigh, he realized that it didn't matter anymore what he'd believed. She was here. Now. Telling him things that he'd longed to hear from her for so long…

"I never knew," he said hoarsely.

"I couldn't tell you." She looked down at her hands where they were knotted in her lap before leaning forward. "I'm sorry for what happened then, Ray. I've regretted it every moment for the past ten years. But I couldn't believe then what I feel in my heart now."

He felt hypnotized by her dark eyes, transfixed by the light burning there.

"And what is that?" he heard himself ask.

She smiled softly.

"Do you believe in Destiny?"

He shook his head, the unexpected question throwing him for a loop.

"What?"

She chuckled and ducked her head, a soft blush rising to her cheeks.

"It feels strange talking to you about this." She blew out a breath and finally looked at him. "My father told me once…We create our Destiny by our deeds and effort. Everything I've done, everything I've worked for, has led me back here."

She paused, her eyes fixed firmly on him.

"Back here to you, Ray."

He couldn't move, paralyzed by her words, her eyes, the soft scent of her perfume that tantalized him with every move she made. He could only sit there and watch as she leaned forward and plucked the wine glass from his hand to set it carefully on the table. But when she took his hands in both of hers, he felt an arc of electricity spike through him. His heart was beating in his throat and he swallowed it back down, praying that whatever was happening wouldn't kill him before it ended.

"I've missed you so much, Ray," she whispered softly, so close now that he could feel her breath on his cheek. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her, reveling in the feel of her skin under his hands as they skimmed lightly up her arms.

"Neela…I…"

"You don't have to say anything, Ray. I don't expect…"

She broke off, pulling back only a hairsbreadth to look into his eyes. He caught his breath, trapped in the depths of those dark orbs, drowning in her. All he had to do was lean forward just a little. Just a bare inch, and he could kiss her; taste her as he'd dreamed of all those years ago. And she was pleading for him to do just that, her eyes searching his as if seeking permission. He reached up, brushing his fingertips over her temple, caressing the curve of her jaw.

"I missed you, too, Neela," he said, his voice slightly unsteady. "So damn much…"

He'd reached his limit. Whether it was the fact that this was the first woman he'd come this close to in years, or the wine, or the fact that she was who she was…it mattered little to him anymore. He surged forward, hungrily taking her mouth with his own. His hands tangled in her hair, his tongue plunging past her teeth to caress her palette. He slid his hands down her back, pulling her into his lap, her soft weight settling near his groin causing a pleasure close to pain. She gasped, her eyes flying open to look down at him, but he pulled her back down to devour her lips once again.

He was nearly mindless with need, feeling as if he was about to burst apart. He hissed in pleasure as her fingernails lightly grazed his scalp where her fingers had twined. And his mind almost shattered when her small white teeth found the sensitive lobe of his ear, nibbling sharply, her tongue flicking out to ease the bite. It was more than he could take.

In one smooth move, he surged forward, pushing her to her back on the sofa, her body cradling his as he pinned her beneath him. Bracing himself on his arms, he could do nothing but stare at her in wonder. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, and his body reacted violently when her tongue came out to wet them.

"Ray?" she asked uncertainly, though her body and hands were anything but uncertain. Her fingers traced the curve of his lips and seared a path down his jaw to his throat. He closed his eyes, allowing the sensation to burn him all the way to his core. He lowered himself slowly, more slowly than he would have liked, barely touching his mouth to hers, teasing her with small bites and brushing of lips. She moaned softly, her lips parting as her breathing quickened. He tried to pull back, but her hands found his face and pulled him down for a deeper kiss…one that could steal a man's soul.

"Ray…" she whispered again, her voice unsteady, nearly sobbing.

Ray felt her hands on his chest, burning him through the thin cloth. He opened his eyes…and froze, his breath hitching in his chest. What was he doing? He couldn't be doing this. Not now. He couldn't be here with Neela…not when…after everything…

He shoved away from her, nearly tripping over the table in his haste, and stumbled across the room. One of the wine glasses tipped over and shattered, spilling the red liquid across the table to drip onto the carpet. He tried to ignore the sudden hurt in her eyes as he backed away from her. He ran his hands through his hair with enough force to cause pain in his scalp, wincing as he did it. He closed his eyes, seeing the image of Lilly on the back of his eyelids. Her expression was sad, staring at him as if disappointed. She had been the one to bring him back to life after Neela had run away. It was Lilly that had showed him what love truly was. Lilly who'd brought him a beautiful little girl, a home, a meaning. He couldn't betray her like this. Not tonight…especially not tonight…

"I can't do this," he choked out, his eyes already searching for an escape, doing his best not to see the pain that his statement caused her. He drew a deep breath, struggling to control his body's response to her, to what they had done.

"What's wrong, Ray?" Neela asked urgently, pushing herself unsteadily to her feet. "I don't understand…"

"I can't do this, Neela," he said harshly, hoping that his tone alone would dissuade her from asking anything else. He didn't want to get into anything with her right now. Not when he was feeling so raw, so exposed. It was the most vulnerable he'd ever felt in his life, and it wasn't something that he wanted her to see. He glanced at her, taking in her disheveled appearance, her swollen lips and reddened cheek from the stubble he could never quite get. Her hand shook as she pushed her hair from her face, her eyes wide in her face and filled to the brim with tears of confusion.

"Ray, what did I do? What's wrong?"

He turned, seeking an escape even as he tried to think of some excuse, something to take the sting from his rejection.

"This isn't…it isn't you," he said, his back to her so she wouldn't see the pain in his eyes. Pain that was slowly engulfing his entire being.

"Then what is it?" she asked, her voice ending in a half sob.

"Neela…" he began, but stopped. What could he tell her? That he would have given his life ten years ago for one second of what had just happened between them? That even after all this time, he had suddenly found that when it came to her, his heart was hopelessly lost? It all sounded…It was wrong to say those things, though they were true.

And that was the greatest tragedy of all.

"I have to go," he muttered and headed for the door. He ignored the sudden agony that shot through his chest at the thought that he was really going to do this. He was really leaving this apartment.

Leaving her.

He snatched open the door, pausing only long enough to glance at her where she stood. She was so beautiful. So damn beautiful that it made him ache to look at her. He swallowed hard and tore his gaze from her look of pain before he bolted, slamming the door behind him.

Hating himself for all that he'd said and done tonight, he leaned against the door for one long moment, squeezing his eyes against the burn of hot tears before trudging down the hall to the elevator.

000000

Brett flipped through the channels on Ray's TV, hoping that by the time he came back to the channel he'd been watching it would be off commercial break. He hated commercials and did all he could to avoid them. If that meant surfing through three hundred seventy-five channels in sixty seconds, then so be it.

"Uncle Brett? Can we have a snack?"

Brett sighed and glanced at the little face beside him. Correction, _faces. _The two of them were staring at him with equally pitiful expressions in their eyes. They'd already done all they could to clean out the junk food supply in Ray's cupboard. For once, he cursed the side of him that let Molly have whatever the hell she wanted at any given moment. Double that, because he'd found that Raymond had the same power over him. He smiled to himself. Raymond was a good kid, but he was learning all Molly's bad habits. The two of them should have been asleep an hour ago.

"Didn't you eat enough earlier?" he asked. "You slopped down about a quart of ice cream between you."

"But we're hungry again."

Brett opened his mouth to tell them no, that they'd end up puking and he'd be in trouble when the doorbell rang. He glanced at the clock and frowned. It was ten, and he wasn't expecting anyone but Ray and Neela. He smirked as he shoved himself from the seat. He was hoping that those two would make a night of it, and not show up at all. He didn't mind, just so long as Ray was out having a good time. He padded across the living room in his bare feet to look through the peephole, where he froze. Cursing under his breath, he glanced back at the kids.

"You two go back to Molly's bedroom, and I'll get you something in a minute."

Molly looked about to argue, but Raymond just turned and did as he was told. After a moment, Molly joined him, though reluctantly, shooting Brett a curious look at his unusually sharp tone. Brett threw open the door and stepped out in the hall, his stomach suddenly tied in knots.

"What are you doing here?" he asked Neela, glancing down the hall. "Where's Ray?"

She stared at him as if in a dream, her eyes a little reddened. Even as he watched, a single tear seared a trail from the corner of her eye and down her cheek and she swiped it impatiently away. The sight of that one tear was all the explanation that he needed. He cursed, turning on his heel to pace away from her, his hand over his mouth to stop himself from ranting. Anger, worry, and pain shot through him in rapid succession until he didn't know which way he really wanted to go. He turned back around to look at her, his mind quickly working to come up with something to say.

She looked absolutely miserable, huddled there in jeans and a sweater. The skirt she'd worn earlier was gone. Her hair was pulled back haphazardly into a messy ponytail. He could scarcely believe that this was the same happy woman he'd seen earlier in the evening.

"What happened?" he asked tensely. He had a good idea, but didn't want to believe it. He'd hoped…He shook his head sharply. Whatever he had hoped would happen, had either gone horribly wrong, or had never begun. And by the look on her face, she hadn't been the one to stop it. _Damn you, Ray!_ he thought furiously.

She shook her head, closing her eyes as she took a shuddering breath.

"I just want to pick up my son, Brett," she choked out. Her eyes sought his, and his heart clenched at the agony reflected there. "Please?"

It was the "Please" that got him. Caught him in the chest and left him breathless. It was worse then, than he'd thought. He clenched his jaw. He'd always liked Neela. Even after what she'd done to Ray, he couldn't find it in him to hate her. She'd lost her husband, and by the sound of things, her best friend all in one fell swoop. It would have been hard for anyone to deal with.

But she'd come back, and brought with her the one hope that Brett had to bring Ray out of the block of ice he'd frozen himself in.

"Ok," he said softly, unwilling to push the issue. He pressed his lips together in a thin line as he opened the door. Before she could pass him to enter, he caught her shoulder in a gentle grip. "Are you going to be all right?"

Her face twisted in a grimace, and he was afraid suddenly that his question would push her over the edge. He watched anxiously as she composed herself and nodded, forcing a smile though he could see that it hurt.

"I'll be fine," she said, choking on the words. "It was no more than I des-…"

She broke off, swiping at the tears on her face. Taking a deep breath, she entered the apartment, calling for Raymond.

Brett stayed where he was, half in and half out the door. Pain and worry were quickly fading leaving only anger. He had a pretty good idea of what had happened. He didn't miss the swollen look of her lips. He couldn't miss the look in her eyes when he'd asked what happened. What pissed him off to no end, was what he believed had happened next. And there was only one doorstep at which to lay blame.

Ray's.

He stood there and watched Neela leave, her forced gaiety for her son's sake almost painful to see. He waited until they were on the elevator, watching as the doors closed. Her eyes locked with his for a split second before the doors obscured them from his view, but the look there had told volumes.

With careful control, Brett went back into the apartment, and closed the door softly behind him.

000000

Ray stepped into the darkened apartment as quietly as he could, praying that Brett was asleep. He didn't want to get into a discussion with his friend about his night. All he wanted to do was go to bed, and forget that this had ever happened. And when Neela came in the morning to pick up her son, he intended to be gone.

The light next to the sofa suddenly came on, blinding him and shattering any hopes that he'd had of making a clean break for his room.

"You're home late," Brett said flatly. "Where have you been?"

Ray narrowed his eyes on his friend at the tone of his voice. Half accusation, half pure fury. And the look in Brett's eyes was anything but friendly.

"I went for a walk. What of it?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant. "You weren't really expecting me home at all…"

"Oh, come off it," Brett snapped. "Neela came by earlier to pick up Little Ray."

Ray stilled in the act of unbuttoning his shirt. He closed his eyes as pain rocked through him. She hadn't even wanted her son here when he came home. As if… Ray shook his head. That too was for the best.

"She did?" he asked mildly.

He turned when Brett said nothing. His friend was glaring at him in disgust. Ray sighed and finished unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off and throwing it over the arm of the couch.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked tiredly.

Brett jumped to his feet and closed in on him, coming within a foot before he stopped, his fists clenched.

"You know what pisses me off?" he asked. "I told her not to play games with you. That you'd been through enough. And here you are, doing to her exactly what I told her not to do. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't want to talk about this," Ray snarled, turning around to go to his room.

"Well, when do you want to talk about it? When you're so dead inside that you finally feel…"

Brett broke off when Ray whirled on him. He didn't know what Brett saw in his face, but it was enough to cut him off clean. They stood there, Ray half in his room, Brett in the hall. Both held their hands in hard fists, ready for the other to make a move. Finally, Brett snorted.

"Go to hell, man," he said quietly, but there was anything but anger in his voice. He almost sounded sad. "I'll be here tomorrow to watch Molly while you go do your yearly ritual."

Ray stayed where he was, wincing when the front door closed with an ominous thud. There was no mistaking the disgust in Brett's voice when he'd said the last. Ray closed his eyes, feeling weary to his bones. What the hell _was_ wrong with him?

He was fighting with his best friend, his brother. He'd hurt Neela…probably irreparably. And he didn't know what to do about any of it.

He backed up until his knees came into contact with the bed and he fell back on the soft mattress. Throwing his arm over his eyes, he lay there for a long time, his mind going in circles until he finally fell into an uneasy sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_We just want to say thank you all so much for all the feedback you've given on this story! We truly do appreciate every comment you have left for us thus far and hope that you'll continue to let us know how we're doing. Just to let you all know, there is another chapter already started for this, so hopefully very soon we can have it up for you. Again, thank you, and as always..._

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

7

Ray had been up for hours by the time Brett showed up the next day. As it always happened on this day his sleep had been plagued by nightmares; half forgotten dreams that nonetheless woke him in a cold sweat. The dreams were different this time, however, making him wonder if he wasn't losing his mind. Neela had played a large role in most of them, smiling sadly as she walked away from him. He'd gone after her in every one, trying like hell to catch her, but she was always just out of reach. And when he'd looked around him, he hadn't moved at all. After only a few hours, he'd given up on sleep and gone to the kitchen to clean out the beer supply.

Which was why his head was throbbing like a rotten tooth. He winced when the doorbell rang, hearing the echo of it reverberate through his skull. Padding to the door, he rubbed his fingers through his hair, wondering if he was going to make it through today. He snatched open the door, and was forced to jump out of the way when Brett barreled past him.

"Since when do you ring the bell?" he asked, shutting the door while he stared at his friend. And he'd thought that he looked like hell. Brett looked as if he hadn't slept either, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses and his hair sticking up in every direction.

Brett turned to regard him through the dark glasses before making his way to the living room.

"I wasn't sure if I was still welcome," he said, his voice laced with a liberal dose of sarcasm. Ray clenched his teeth to forestall a scathing comment. He was in no mood to fight with Brett today.

"Thanks for doing this for me," he said instead, managing to sound a little gracious.

Again, the dark glasses came to bear on him, and Ray suppressed a shudder, feeling the cold glare even from where he stood.

"Listen, I only came over here for Molly, ok?" Brett snapped, dropping each word as if leaden with ice. "The least I can do is be here for her today." Brett yanked his glasses off and looked around before falling into Ray's chair, throwing one leg over the arm and turning a negligent look in Ray's direction. "So, you go do what you gotta do, and we'll be here."

Ray felt the breath leave his lungs in a rush as white-hot fury shot through his gut. He clenched his teeth and stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from punching the arrogant bastard. He stood for a moment, struggling for control.

"I'll be back later this afternoon," he managed to grind out.

Brett scooped the remote off the table and flipped on the TV.

"Sure. Take all the time you want. God knows, you need it."

Ray stared at him for a long moment, wanting badly to snatch him up and beat him to a pulp. Brett didn't have any idea what he was going through. None at all. He was just thankful that Molly was still asleep and hadn't witnessed this. Grinding his teeth in frustration, he spun on his heel and snatched his keys from the counter. Without a backward glance, he was out the door, leaving Brett safely behind him and in one piece.

Brett waited until he was sure that Ray was well away before flipping off the TV and sagging back into the chair wearily. He shut his eyes, wishing that he could just go to sleep and forget that any of this had ever happened. Unfortunately, sleep had not deigned to visit him the night before, and no amount of alcohol would give him the oblivion that he'd craved. All it had done was make him hurt physically as well as mentally. And that was not what he needed today.

"Uncle Brett?"

He opened his eyes to find Molly standing beside him in her yellow nightgown. Her eyes were wide in her small face as she watched him, her small white teeth worrying at one knuckle. He forced himself to smile, though it hurt his head to do so.

"Morning, girly. You hungry?"

She shook her head, her eyes still fixed on him in an unnerving stare.

"Daddy's sad," she said softly, her lower lip quivering just enough to crack his heart in two. He set both feet on the floor and pulled her up in his lap.

"And what makes you say that, runt?" he asked.

"He never leaves without saying good bye," she began, her eyes on her fingers as they twisted together nervously. "And he woke me up last night really, really late."

"What was he doing?"

She shrugged and screwed her face into a grimace.

"Drinking beer, and walking around." Brett suppressed a smile at the conspiratorial whisper. It was as if she were telling a secret that would get someone in trouble. She glanced up at him then, her eyes troubled. "Is he sad because of Mommy? He was looking at her pictures last night."

His breath caught in his throat at that. What the hell was he supposed to tell her? It shouldn't be him having this conversation with her, but her father. And that man was… Well, Ray was off the deep end right now.

"I think so, a little," he answered evasively, hoping that she would drop the subject. Of course, another part of him, the part that hated what was happening to his friend secretly jumped for joy at this opportunity. "You know that this is…that today is…"

She sighed heavily, another Lilly trait that he always found so charming in her. It was so adult, and yet held such child-like innocence.

"I know. Daddy doesn't think I do, but I know about Mommy."

Brett couldn't have been more stunned if she had reached out and popped him in the eye. He narrowed his eyes on her, reminding himself yet again, that she was smarter than most six year olds and couldn't be treated as if she were stupid. She was anything but that.

"And just how do you know that?"

She shrugged and snuggled deeper into his lap.

"I just do. I heard Joe's mommy talking about it…"

_Oh, just peachy,_ Brett thought wryly. He didn't hold out hope of Lockhart's continued survival when Ray found out that little tidbit.

"Honey, your mom…"

She smiled suddenly, a singularly beatific smile that always caught him around the heart and made him say yes to whatever she asked.

"Is Daddy gonna make Raymond's mommy my mommy too?"

_Oh, Jesus…_ Brett swallowed hard, wishing that he knew the answer to that one. As of right now, he would be surprised if the two of them could still be friends.

"I don't know, Molly-honey," he said, wrapping his arms around her and settling back in the seat, her head cradled on his chest. He closed his eyes, remembering the first time he'd done this when she was just a toddler. He had been terrified of squashing her or falling asleep with her on him and just letting her fall.

"If Raymond's mommy was here, do you think that Daddy would stop being sad?"

Brett shook his head, blinking against the hot tears that burned behind his eyes. Ray really needed to dust in here. The shit was really getting in his eyes today.

"I don't know, squirt," he choked out. "I really don't know."

She paused thoughtfully. Then she pushed away to look down worriedly into his face.

"If Raymond was my brother, can we still be friends?"

Would this kid ever stop surprising him? One minute, she could break his heart, and the next she would make him laugh. Brett bit the inside of his cheek to hold in his chuckle. He had a brother and they fought like mortal enemies. Friendship and sibling rivalry just did not mix well. But this was an entirely different situation, and entirely different kids.

"I'm sure of it," he said seriously, and was rewarded with another smile. "Come on, kid," he said to avoid any more questions that he didn't have the answers for. "Let's get you some breakfast, and you can try to beat me on the video game."

She giggled, and none too gently leapt from his lap. Gingerly, he rose from his seat, adjusting his jeans, reminding himself to start wearing a cup when he watched this kid.

000000

Neela pushed her hair from her face with her forearm and frowned when the doorbell rang. She'd been doing all she could to scrub the wine stain from the carpet, but she was afraid that it was a lost cause. If she'd gotten to it last night…But then, she hadn't been in any mood to clean last night. She rose to her feet and crossed the room to open the door as the bell rang again, hoping that she could get rid of whoever this was quickly. She didn't think that it would be a good idea for her to interact with anyone today.

She snatched open the door to find Abby there with Joe. Her mouth dropped open at the sight of the boy. He was almost as tall as Abby, wearing a purely annoyed look on his face. Neela could barely believe that he was only ten. By his height and the sullen expression, she would have guessed he was at least thirteen. But what almost made her burst out laughing was the Mohawk that had been cut into his black hair. Neela bit her lip to keep from giggling.

"Don't even say it," Abby said dryly. "I was against the whole thing, but Luka overrode me. Said that boys needed to express themselves."

She rolled her eyes in disgust, showing exactly what she thought of that line of thinking. Neela stepped back to allow them into the apartment, all the while holding in her laughter. It felt good to actually feel amusement at something today. Even if it was at Abby's expense.

"Raymond's in his room," she told Joe, and he took off without a word toward the hallway as if he were being shot at.

"He's mad at me," Abby said with an indulgent shrug. "I told him that I'm not buying him hundred dollar shoes when he'll grow out of them in a day." She glanced around and frowned as she noticed the bucket of water and sponge by the coffee table. "What, did you spill something?"

Neela's amusement dried up immediately. The stain that she now knew she would never get out, would be a constant reminder of her folly. She'd been insane to think that one night would make up for everything that had come before. It had been another colossal mistake to push him into what they had done. But, then, she didn't think that she'd imagined the light in his hazel-green eyes, or the jolt between them as they had touched. And the way he'd kissed her…that hadn't been a dream, of that she was certain.

"Neela? Are you all right?"

She focused again on Abby, shaking her head to dispel her tumultuous thoughts. There was nothing she could do to change what had happened. She couldn't go back and undo what she had done no matter how much she wished to.

"I don't think so," she heard herself say.

Abby narrowed her eyes.

"What happened? I thought that you and Ray…"

"We did…have a date. But then…" She broke off and sighed heavily. It felt awkward talking to Abby about this. She crossed the room, pulling her gloves off and tossing them on the table before falling heavily onto the sofa. "I don't know what happened," she finished tiredly.

Abby settled on the sofa next to her, her eyes fixed intently on her face.

"Tell me."

Neela sighed and recounted the whole sordid tale, wishing that she could just forget the whole mess. But that, like the stain in her carpet, would never go away. It was indelibly etched into her memory, burning her with shame.

"I don't know what happened, Abby," she finished miserably. "I don't know what I did…"

Abby placed a hand on her arm to stop her, her face grim.

"I don't think that you did anything wrong," she said firmly.

Neela sighed, wishing that she could believe her friend, but what other explanation was there? He'd shoved away from her as if she were tainted. He'd actually tripped over the table in his haste to get away from her. It hurt more than she was willing to admit. After she'd bared her soul to him, he's run as far and as fast as he could. She bit her lip. Of course, that's what she'd done all those years ago. Now she knew exactly what he'd been feeling then. She nodded to herself.

"Maybe I deserved it," she said almost under her breath. "What I did to him…"

"Stop!" Abby said sharply. "You were extremely messed up, Neela. For Christ's sake, you had just lost your husband…"

"And he lost his wife! How different is this?"

Abby scowled.

"Ray lost Lilly four years ago." Her expression altered to one of surprise. "Four years ago today," she ended softly as she gave Neela a startled look. "Holy shit. No wonder he freaked last night."

Neela frowned in confusion. She marked the day of Michael's death every year, though it had become more of a ritual than any true remembrance. After two years, her pain at his loss had faded to nothing more than a gentle ache, and after four it had been an effort to remember any of the little details that had made up her husband. She didn't know if any of that was due to the fact that she'd fallen for Ray during that time, or if it was an indication that she'd finished grieving. As it was, it didn't matter anymore. Michael was part of the past. He was gone, and couldn't come back. She lived, and had done all she could to move on.

"I don't understand."

Abby sighed heavily.

"Honey, he never goes to work on this day. Anyone who wants to get a hold of him today might as well chuck it in, because he goes off on his own and won't take calls. We've been trying to get him to stop this for three years, but…" She shrugged. "He just won't let go."

Neela rose slowly to her feet and paced away from her, crossing her arms over her chest. After all he'd seen her go through…after every mistake he'd seen her make, he was too damn stubborn to see it. He was making the same mistakes that she had. He was holding on to something…

"Where would he be right now?" she asked suddenly, turning to look at Abby.

Her friend shrugged in misery.

"No one knows. We just leave him alone when this date comes up."

Neela scowled. She'd once wanted to be left alone. She'd told everyone that all she needed was to work. To take her mind off things, she'd thrown herself into work like a demon. Only in her dreams had she allowed herself to feel the guilt and the anguish that she couldn't show to the world. And everyone had respected her wishes…leaving her alone with her own thoughts eating her alive. Only later, had she realized what she'd truly needed, a release. A shoulder to cry on. Someone to force her to face what had happened, to be there even if she didn't want them to be. She clenched her jaw. Ray had been willing to do that for her, but she'd been too obstinate at the time to see it. Too blind in her own grief and guilt, that she'd missed what was right in front of her. She'd wasted ten years on her misery, and she wasn't about to sit by and watch as Ray did the same. He was stronger than that. She knew that in her heart.

"Can you take Raymond for a while?" she asked, her mind already working quickly. If he wouldn't come to her, then she would go to him. She couldn't let him make the same mistakes that she had. She cared too much for him to let that happen.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Abby began before narrowing her eyes. "What are you going to do?"

"You don't want to know," she said grimly.


	8. Chapter 8

_We know that we just posted a chapter yesterday, but this one had to be written. And quickly. We didn't think that anyone would mind...lol! We do hope that you will continue to let us know what you think of this story as it progresses. Your comments are extremely welcome...always...:D So, until later..._

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

8

Brett frowned when the doorbell rang followed by urgent knocking. He glanced toward the hallway when he heard Molly's feet thudding hurriedly down the hall. Wincing at the pounding pain in his head, he rose from the sofa. The hangover had hit him around the same time that Molly was winning the game they'd played. He'd called a halt to the impending butt kicking and had sent her to her room to watch a movie while Uncle Brett took a little nap. _So much for plans,_ he thought sourly.

But when he opened the door, the pain in his head instantly fled; leaving behind a shock so great he could barely breathe.

"What are you doing here?" he asked incredulously, taking in the sight of the shadowed rings beneath and enhanced by the burning light in her dark eyes.

She lifted her chin a little as if defying him, making it known that she was there whether he liked it or not, and wasn't leaving without getting what she came for.

"I came here to see Ray," she said, her tone determined.

Brett could only stand there, staring at her. After last night, he never would have believed that she would have the guts to come back here. A small spark of admiration flared to life in his chest. She had changed then. Ten years ago, he doubted if she would have been able to even see Ray at work, let alone come to his apartment to have it out with him. He grinned and stepped aside to let her in.

"He's…"

"Raymond's mommy!" Molly squealed before she stopped short. Her face fell when she saw that her friend was not there. "Raymond didn't come over?" she asked, crestfallen.

Neela smiled reassuringly.

"He's with Dr. Lockhart getting shoes for soccer," she said.

"Oh. Okay." Molly smiled, her usual sunny nature taking over again. "I'm gonna play soccer too."

Neela glanced up at Brett and grinned.

"So I understand," she said with a laugh. "And I'm sure that you'll be wonderful." She turned back to Brett with a questioning look he understood too well. Clearing his throat, he knelt beside Molly.

"Can you do me a favor, runt, and go watch your movie for a while. I need to talk to Neela here."

She frowned in confusion for a minute before looking at Neela.

"Is that your name? Neela?"

Brett rolled his eyes as Neela grinned.

"Okay, okay," the girl said in exasperation before trudging slowly back to her room, dragging her feet.

"She's nosey," Brett explained, again rising to his feet. "Thinks she needs to know everything that goes on around here."

Neela nodded, though her mind was clearly not on Molly any longer.

"He isn't here is he?" she asked.

Brett winced, his headache coming back full force.

"No. And I don't know where he goes either." He paused and blew out a gusty breath. "You might as well have a seat. I'll tell you what I can."

She narrowed her eyes on him as he walked away to flop in a chair.

"Why would you tell me anything?" she asked as she followed him to sit on the sofa. She stared at him warily, as if he were some monster about to pounce. He truly didn't blame her after what he'd said to her at Molly's party. He'd been an ass that day, but still felt that he had been justified.

"It's about time that someone other than me gave enough of a shit about him to talk to him," he said bitterly, earning a startled look. He nodded. "Yeah. Those friends of his at the hospital…all they ever do is talk about him behind their hands. _Poor Ray," _he mimicked as his face twisted into a moue of disgust. "It pisses me off that they just let him keep going like…" He broke off with a shake of his head. He glanced at her apologetically. "Sorry. I know that they're your friends too."

She nodded, though her face was grim.

"Abby told me a little," she said. "And she said they've been trying to get him to see reason for years." She tilted her head a little, the intensity of her stare going straight through him. "But I don't want to hear about it from them. I want him to tell me."

Brett shook his head.

"He won't. He won't talk about it. He doesn't want to think about it. He just wants to wallow in it all by himself, because if he doesn't, then he'd be betraying Lilly's memory." Hastily, he rose to his feet to pace, four years of anger and frustration coming to the fore. It was as if a floodgate inside him had suddenly broken, spilling over everything that he kept hidden, because he'd never wanted to betray how much he truly cared about this family. He looked at Neela, and could see the same concern that he felt in her face. Concern, and…recognition? "You know what I'm talking about don't you?"

She nodded, sagging back into the seat.

"More than you know."

"Well, maybe you can talk some friggin sense into him then, because he sure as hell isn't listening to me." Brett ran a hand through his hair, mussing the already disarrayed strands in his frustration. "It's like he's dead inside and it's driving me crazy. That's not Ray. Not the Ray I've always known anyway."

She nodded.

"I know."

Brett paused, looking down at her. What the hell could it hurt to tell her something about Lilly? It was why she was here. Why Ray was slowly losing his mind. Brett shook his head, his mind whirling. No, Ray was losing his mind out of guilt. He'd loved Neela. Brett didn't have to be a genius to figure that out. Even after he'd met Lilly, Ray had always held some part of himself apart from her. Brett didn't think that Lilly ever knew, and if she did, he doubted if she'd ever said anything. But it wasn't hard to see if someone knew where to look. And Brett knew better than anyone those hidden nooks and crannies that Ray buried inside. He glanced at Neela. Perhaps she could be the one to bring Ray back from the brink. Because she'd been there. She carried that same look about her that he'd come to know, but it was tempered with something that Ray had yet to find. Wisdom.

"He met Lilly after you left," he said bluntly. "About a year or so maybe." He whirled away to throw himself back into the chair with a heavy sigh. "And, yeah, she was a good woman, don't get me wrong. She was very good for Ray, and I liked her. But this…this obsession he has is not what she would have wanted for him. Or for Molly." He grimaced, his mind taking him back to that time. A time that Ray had been happy…or happier than he had been since Neela had disappeared. He glanced at the woman across from him. "She was too good, I think."

She frowned.

"Meaning?"

Brett wished like hell that he wasn't the one that had to tell this shit. If Ray would just get off his ass…

"She helped him after you left." He shook his head. "You left him a mess, wondering what the hell he'd done to drive you off." He ignored the shame that flashed in her eyes. It was no more than the truth, and Neela very well knew it. But that was done now. Over. It was time to move on. "Lilly stepped in and made him happy. But I think…I think that there was always a part of him that never forgot you. That always still cared about you, and when she died…well…"

"He felt guilty that he did," she finished for him, her eyes thoughtful and sad. "Thinking that if he had loved her like she deserved, she would still be alive."

Brett nodded. She understood very well what he was trying to tell her.

"But there are things that Ray didn't know…" He broke off then, his heart sinking to somewhere near the pit of his stomach. Slowly, he turned his head toward the door to find Ray standing there, staring at him with a stony expression on his face. "Oh, shit," he muttered, rising to his feet.

"Exactly," Ray snapped. "Don't mind me, Brett. Just say what you were going to say."

"Ray," Neela said quickly, rising from the sofa to face him. "I came here to…"

"I don't care why you're here," he spat, barely glancing her way before he turned his cold gaze back on Brett. "What were you going to say, Brett? You were on a roll there for a minute."

Brett swore inwardly. "How much…?"

"From 'You left him a mess'. Tell me, Brett, what gives you the right to tell her anything about me?" Ray asked, crossing the room quickly to shove Brett's shoulder. Brett's gut turned over at the look in his eyes, flashing green and gold in anger, and he forgot to be angry about the push he'd just been given. "What gives you the right to try to run my life?"

"I'm only doing it for your own good, Ray," he said through clenched teeth. "Lilly is gone, man. She died…"

"So I'm just supposed to forget her? She gave me everything…"

Brett's temper snapped. Those same words had spilled from Ray's mouth over a million times in the past four years. He couldn't date because he could never find anyone to compare with Lilly. He didn't go out, because she'd given him Molly and she was his responsibility now. He couldn't do this or that because Lilly wouldn't have wanted him to. Before Ray could react, Brett reached out with both hands and shoved him back. Ray stumbled a couple of steps, turning an incredulous look on him. Brett heard Neela gasp somewhere behind him as he advanced.

"Listen up, ass hole," he snarled. "I've done nothing for the last four years but watch you die inside. You think I like biting my tongue every time you don't want to talk about something? Do you think it's easy for me to just sit by and watch that shit? No! It isn't. So don't give me that, 'It was the best of times' bullshit! Lilly left you, Ray! Don't you understand that?"

Ray's face went red with fury, and his hands curled into hard fists.

"Shut up, Brett," he ground out.

"No! It's about time someone told you, dammit! She knew. She knew when she was pregnant with Molly that she had cancer, but she never said shit." Brett paused, letting that sink in for a minute. "She never told you did she?"

"You're lying."

Brett searched Ray's face, seeing nothing of the friend he'd come to think of as a brother in his expression. Part of him cracked at the sight. If he lost this…

The other part of him, the part that had held this secret for four years was sighing in relief.

"Her doctor told me the day she died, Ray. She knew for two years that she was dying, and she never got treated. Never once told you what was happening." He growled in frustrated anger as Ray's expression went from anger to absolute mindless fury. "Don't you get it, man? You've been feeling guilty over this shit for years, when it was her that left you…"

The punch came from nowhere, catching him across the mouth. Brett stumbled back a step or two before instinct took over and he lunged forward with a roundhouse of his own, catching Ray dead center in the face. He felt the shock of impact all the way up his arm as his knuckles exploded in pain. He watched as Ray staggered back, his nose seeping blood. Gingerly, he probed the split in his own lip with his tongue, tasting blood as he shook his hand to work out the pain in his swelling knuckles.

"I want you out," Ray said finally, breathing hard as he swiped at his nose. "Get the hell out of my house. Stay away from me. Stay away from my daughter."

Brett scowled, though those words were killing him. Ray and Molly were all he had. But he wasn't about to stand aside and watch Ray kill himself anymore. He was done with that.

"Fine, Ray. You want to live like a goddamn zombie for the rest of what passes for your life, then be my guest. At least I don't have to fucking watch it."

He turned and looked at Neela who was watching with one hand over her mouth, and her eyes wide as saucers.

"See ya," he said quietly before heading for the door.

A small sob from the hallway caught everyone's attention, and Brett closed his eyes as pain shot through him. Molly. He'd forgotten that she would hear. He looked back at her where she stood, staring at her father with tear filled eyes.

"Uncle Brett's coming back," she said firmly, though her lip was quivering. Even as Brett watched, a fat tear spilled over to run down her cheek. Christ, he never could stand to see her cry.

Ray looked down at her then back at Brett with a stricken expression. He too had forgotten that his daughter would likely hear everything.

"Baby…" he began.

"No! Uncle Brett can't leave! Tell him to stay, Daddy!"

Ray looked away from her, his jaw clenching. She let out a sob of near hysteria and gave Brett a pleading look.

"Don't go away, Uncle Brett. Please?"

Brett closed his eyes, blocking out the sight of her tears, her pain. He grabbed blindly for the doorknob and yanked open the door, escaping before he really did break apart. He tried to block out the sound of sobbing that he heard beyond the door as he walked down the hall to the elevator.

He failed miserably.

000000

Ray felt sick. His stomach churned with more than simple anger. He had fought with Brett…the closest thing to a brother that he had. Not only had they fought, but had struck each other like strangers in a bar brawl. He could taste blood at the back of his throat from his likely broken nose, adding to his nausea. His eyes strayed from his inner thoughts to his daughter, who was now crying as if her heart had been broken. Another wave of sickness nearly doubled him over. Of course her heart was broken. He'd just sent away one of the immovable fixtures in her life.

"Molly…" he began softly, kneeling next to her. She gave him a pleading look, begging him with her eyes to tell her that this was just a nightmare.

"Tell Uncle Brett to come back," she ordered in a sob, swiping at her nose with the back of her hand. He didn't correct her on that disgusting habit. It seemed secondary to comforting her.

"Baby…" he tried again, reaching to take her into his arms. She shoved away from him, clutching her hands together at her chin, sobbing harder when he made no move toward the door.

"Make him come back, Daddy! Please… I promise I'll be good! Please…"

"Ray," Neela said quietly. "Perhaps…"

"Stay out of this, Neela," he said, and winced at the sharpness of his tone. He glanced at her and saw the flash of anger in her dark eyes before she looked away. He watched in annoyance as she crossed the room to kneel before his daughter.

"Sweetheart, why don't you let your father and I talk for a moment?"

"But Uncle Brett…"

Neela smiled reassuringly, stroking the girl's hair. Ray clenched his teeth. What right did she have to reassure _his_ child? That was _his _responsibility. _His _job.

"I'm sure that once everyone has thought about things," Neela began, shooting Ray a hard look, "that Uncle Brett will come back to play with you."

Molly sniffed heavily and looked at Ray. The look in her azure eyes was enough to bring him to his knees. He'd never seen that look in her before, and it broke his heart that he could have anything to do with putting it there.

"Go on, baby," he said quietly and watched, feeling helpless as she turned to go back to her room.

Leaving him alone with Neela.

She rose to her feet, wiping her palms on her jeans as if in preparation for battle. The scowl she turned on him only solidified that notion, bringing his own annoyance to the fore.

"You have no right…" he began, rising to his feet beside her.

"You arrogant, selfish bastard!" she hissed, cutting him off in mid-sentence. He stared at her, not knowing which shocked him more, the accusation or the profanity.

"You don't…" he began again.

"No, _you_ don't! Do you realize what you've done…what you _are _doing to that little girl? Of course you don't! Too bloody wrapped up in yourself to see beyond your own nose." She paused, smirking a little. "Speaking of which, how is your nose?"

He scowled, gingerly touching the bump that had formed on the bridge. It would have to be set soon, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"Broken," he answered shortly, dropping his hand and spinning away from her. "Why are you here, Neela?" he asked, heading for the kitchen and the ice he knew was in the freezer. His nose wasn't the only thing killing him. His knuckles were already swelling, and on today of all days, he'd not wanted to see her. "Why did you come here today?"

"You know damn well why I came," she said, following him. "I know what today means…"

He whirled on her and tossed the ice tray on the counter where it came to rest against the wall with a clatter. Heat swelled through him, searing his blood.

"Let me guess, Abby told you," he snarled. "Well, isn't that just wonderful."

"Ray…"

"No, dammit! You don't have any right to say anything to me about…about this," he snapped, faltering over Lilly's name. He didn't want to say her name in Neela's presence. It seemed wrong somehow. He frowned fiercely at her. He turned; snatching open a drawer to yank out a towel and drop the ice that now lay over the counter into it.

"Don't I?" she asked. "Brett was right. You are slowly dying inside."

"And how the hell would you know? You've been back for all of what…five minutes? You don't know…"

"Don't I?" she said again, her fury evident in her flushed face. "Some would say that I'm in a unique position to understand…"

"Shut up, Neela…"

"…Lilly died, Ray. She's gone, and there's nothing you can do to bring her back. Burying yourself in work or your child won't solve anything…"

"I said, shut up!" he shouted, finally at his limit. His heart was torn to shreds by her callous words, though her eyes were anything but that. They held a bright compassion that only made him feel worse. "I don't think that you have any right to say shit about this to me. Not when you did the same damn thing."

Her face clouded as his barb struck home. Instead of feeling triumph, however, the sickness in his gut only intensified, leaving him breathless. She paused, sucking in a breath. Shame and a shade of regret flashed in her eyes before she set her chin stubbornly.

"Well, I would have thought that you would have seen my mistakes and done something to avoid repeating them," she shot back angrily, emphasizing her point by slapping her hands down on the table between them. "Yes, I ran. Yes, I wallowed in self-pity and perhaps destroyed the only thing that meant anything to me. But I cannot stand by and watch as you do the same thing. Bloody hell, Ray! You're stronger than this! You know it, and I know it!"

He stared at her, wishing that she would just go. He didn't need her. He didn't need Brett. He just needed to take care of his daughter, to be there for his child. Arguing with either of them was useless…not when…

"I want you to leave, Neela," he said in a hard voice. His memory brought up a different time, a different place but a similar circumstance. Against his will, he saw the guilt, the anger and hurt confusion in her eyes as she'd told him to stay the hell away from her. He shook his head to dispel the image. He didn't want to see that. He didn't want any of this. He looked at her when she didn't move. "Go."

She searched his eyes for a long moment before heaving a sigh.

"Very well," she said harshly, giving him a look of contempt. "But don't think that I won't be back. I'm not leaving this alone."

He shook his head, but she cut him off with one raised hand.

"You may not think it, but I care about you too much to watch you do this to yourself." She turned and walked to the door with quick steps, yanking it open. She paused and gave him a lingering look that caught him hard in the chest. "Remember that."

With that, she was gone, leaving behind only the subtle scent of her perfume, and the ache in his heart.

He stood there for a long time after the door closed behind her, just staring down at the floor. The only evidence that any of this nightmare had happened was the throb in his nose and hand and the empty feel of the apartment. With a curse, he tossed the ice, towel and all into the sink and went to the living room. Falling back on the sofa, he knotted his fingers in his hair, trying to make sense of what had just happened. He couldn't understand the fury that he'd felt listening to Brett tell Neela things that he'd never wanted her to know. It wasn't like him. Not at all.

He squeezed his eyes shut. No, it wasn't like the old him. He'd changed. Never before would he have hit Brett for such a thing. And never, in all the time that he'd thought of what he would say to her, had he ever believed that he could spew such hateful words at Neela. She had lost, and had moved on. She had returned to Chicago with more wisdom than he obviously possessed. What the hell had he been thinking?

Opening his eyes, his gaze came to rest on the pictures of Lilly. Her smile had once made him feel as if he were standing in sunlight, warm and alive. But there was nothing of that here now. The smiles in the photographs were just as cold and lifeless as he now felt.

"Daddy?"

He turned his head to look at his daughter. She was still sniffling, her eyes red and puffy from crying, and his heart turned over. She never should have seen what had just happened. She never should have…

"Come here, baby," he whispered, catching her as she launched her small body into his arms. Ray closed his eyes as he held her against him, smelling the sweet scent of her kid shampoo in her hair, feeling her body tremble as she lay against him. Hot tears pricked his eyes behind his eyelids as the memory of her fear filled face flashed there, shaming him. He'd scared her in his anger. Broken her heart by sending away a part of her family. A part that she'd come to rely on as much as she did him.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered against her hair, doing his best to swallow back the lump that crowded his throat. She pushed away from him a little to look at him. With an expression of awe, she touched his face, wiping away the moisture that he'd not realized was there.

"You're sad again," she said, her voice catching. "Don't be sad, Daddy." Her eyes strayed to the photographs, and she smiled. "Mommy still loves us. Uncle Brett told me so."

Breath froze in his chest as he gazed at her, the lump in his throat choking him. He swallowed hard as a wave of shame seared him. He'd acted like a lunatic, too mad with grief and pain to see that Brett was only being a friend…a brother. He'd ignored the fact that Brett was only trying to help. Only trying to show him what it was to live. He'd done what Ray had for so long avoided as too painful, telling Molly about her mother.

"I…do you miss her?" he asked, stumbling over the question. He couldn't remember ever talking to her about her mother's death. It had been a taboo subject in his life for so long… That Brett had done so was more than he could handle and only added to his guilt. He watched her as she thought about it, her teeth chewing on her lower lip.

Finally she shrugged with one shoulder.

"Sometimes," she said softly. "But Uncle Brett said that was ok." She stuck her lip out in a little pout. "Is Uncle Brett coming back?"

Ray nodded absently, smiling faintly at her grin. Inside, his mind was turning furiously. He didn't know what he could do to mend the shreds between Brett and himself, but he had to. There was no other choice. He glanced again at the photo of Lilly. He sighed heavily, wondering what the hell he was doing. He'd been living in a void, trying to deny that anything could change. Trying to hold onto something that was long gone. He couldn't have Lilly back. She was gone, leaving him only memories…and his child. He looked at her, sitting in his lap watching him. She didn't have any pictures of her mother. He'd kept them for himself…He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. Neela was right. He was a selfish bastard.

"Do you want that picture for your room, honey?" he asked, pointing to the photo. Her eyes widened in surprise before she jumped off his lap to retrieve it, holding it as if it were some sacred relic.

"You really mean it?" she asked, cradling it against her chest as if he'd snatch it away at the last minute. He nodded, feeling as if he were taking the first step down some unknown and unseen path. It scared the hell out of him, but, at the same time, left him feeling lighter, as if a weight were slowly being eased from him. She squealed and jumped in his lap to kiss his cheek before hurrying away with her burden.

"Daddy?"

Ray glanced at her where she stood, poised in the hallway entrance. She tilted her head a little, reminding him again of her mother, but the memory wasn't so painful now. He frowned at that, wondering what had happened. Any other time…

"Is Raymond's…I mean Neela going to come back too?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you ask, squirt?"

"Because I like her," she said with a small smile. "And she makes you smile." She hesitated only a moment as if thinking of what else she wanted to say. Her smile widened suddenly, nearly blinding him. "I like it when you smile. It's nice."

If he lived forever, he would never forget that perfect moment, looking at her as she grinned at him before going to her room with her picture. Ray sucked in a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and sat back in the sofa, swallowing hard. He looked again at the empty space that had once held Lilly's picture before he rose from his place. He turned slowly, looking at the apartment that they had once shared; laughing together, loving…even fighting. With a sigh, he shook his head.

"Goodbye, Lilly," he whispered before leaving the room.


	9. Chapter 9

_This one took a little longer than expected, since RL and demon children seemed to want to thwart us at every turn...lol! We do hope, however that this chapter was worth the wait, and that you all will continue to let us know what you think. Your comments are very welcome, and let us know we are still doing a good job...:D So, with no further ado...Chapter Nine._

_Yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

9

"What's wrong with Ray?"

Neela glanced up from the chart to look at Abby in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

Abby leaned against the desk, her back to the rest of the ER. She raised an eyebrow at Neela and smirked.

"He's been acting weird. Ever since…" Abby paused and glanced at Neela. "You never did tell me what happened last week."

Neela sighed heavily. She didn't want to remember herself what had happened, let alone tell anyone else. She'd lost her temper. The shock of seeing Ray and Brett go at it like a couple of strangers, Ray's stubborn refusal to admit the truth, all of it had sent her over the edge. She'd said some of what she had wanted to say, though she would have wished for more diplomacy. But she couldn't change what was done. All she could do was hope that some of it had gotten through to him.

"I don't want to talk about what happened," she said. She raised her eyes from her chart to look at her friend. "And what do you mean, Ray's acting weird. Ray always acts weird."

Abby glared at her for a moment before she shrugged, giving up on discovering what had happened between them. Neela couldn't help but be relieved. If Abby had pursued the subject, she probably would have dragged it from her eventually. Abby had the tenacity of a bulldog when it came to this sort of thing.

"He's acting weirder than usual today," Abby said. She glanced over her shoulder then back again. "For example. He's been dancing between the admit desk and the lounge for the past ten minutes."

Unexpected laughter bubbled to the surface as Neela whipped her head up in shock.

"What?"

Abby grinned then hid it quickly.

"Just watch. He'll come out of the lounge, walk this way, stop, spin around and walk right back."

Neela turned and leaned against the desk beside Abby, watching the hall out of the corner of her eye. Abby did a passable job of looking over the chart that Neela held. Sure enough, Ray came out of the lounge, his gaze coming to rest on them. He walked halfway down the corridor with a determined look, stopped and spun around on his heel, his expression twisting in frustration to head away from them. When he was back in the lounge, Neela and Abby exchanged looks and grinned.

"I think he wants to talk to you," Abby said with an encouraging smile.

Neela sighed.

"I wish. He's been avoiding me for the past week."

"Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction."

Neela raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue. This wasn't the Ray she remembered from ten years ago. That Ray would have found a way to get her alone, say what needed said, and have done with it. This man was different. Uncertainty where there had once been decisiveness. Fear where there had once been courage. Neela knew what he was feeling all too well. She turned and slid the chart onto the shelf behind her, and pushed away from the desk. With a nervous glance at Abby, she headed for the lounge where Ray had holed up, wondering if he would bolt when he saw her alone, or finally talk to her.

She took a deep breath before she pushed open the door, bracing herself for the worst. He was pacing back and forth, grumbling to himself, and she couldn't help but smile at the sight. He looked like a teenager contemplating his first date. Hastily, she wiped the smile from her face and cleared her throat as she shoved open the door, giving him fair warning of her presence.

"Good afternoon," she said with forced gaiety as she headed for the coffee pot. She didn't want coffee, but it gave her the excuse she needed to be here. She watched him from the corner of her eye as she poured, waiting for the moment he ran. His eyes darted for the door but he made no move, heaving a huge breath.

"Neela. I…"

She paused, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder. It tore her heart to see him looking so lost. The residual bruises around his eyes from the broken nose only enhanced the exhausted look in his eyes. She frowned when he fell silent, just staring at her as if he didn't quite know what to say.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly, setting her cup on the counter. She crossed the room to touch his arm. She half expected him to shrug her off, escape as she had once done, but he didn't. He closed his eyes briefly before uttering a short laugh.

"I didn't think that it would be this hard," he said ruefully.

Neela frowned.

"What is it, Ray?"

He sighed, his brow furrowing.

"I just…I want…" He blew out a breath and looked at her with a pleading look. "Can we talk?"

She searched his eyes for a moment, seeing in them the fear, the pain…and regret. She smiled.

"Of course." She glanced at her watch. "I still have an hour left of my shift…"

"I was thinking…" he began, offering a small smile. "Molly has soccer after school, and I think that Raymond's on her team…"

Neela raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ray Barnett is going to a soccer game. Did the world end and no one tell me?"

He laughed, looking almost surprised as he did it. She couldn't help but grin back, glad that her good-natured teasing had been received so well. It was more than she could have hoped for after all that had gone on in the week before.

"I just have this problem saying no to Molly is all," he said with a grimace. "But what I was thinking…maybe we could pick you and Raymond up on the way? And maybe after…" He growled in frustration. "Look, I really just need for us to talk, ok?"

The last was uttered as a question, as if he weren't certain of what she would say; whether she would spit the offer in his face or accept. His expression was anxiously waiting, and Neela couldn't help but smile.

"I'd love that," she whispered warmly.

He grinned in relief and looked at his watch.

"So…four thirty? We'll swing around and get you?"

She nodded.

"Yes," she said, not trusting herself to say anything else.

"Ok, then." He was grinning like a fool, and Neela stifled a giggle. It just wouldn't do to laugh at him when he was doing his best to step back into the land of the living. "I have to get out of here. I should have been gone an hour ago."

"Ray?"

He stilled and glanced at her.

"Have you talked to Brett since…" she trailed off, unwilling to bring up the fight, but unable to let it go. It had shaken her to see them fight like that, knowing that she would have been the same way.

"I'm going to talk to Brett," he told her. "Before the game." He looked down at the floor as if ashamed. "He'll want to see Molly play, and she's been asking for him." He shook his head. "I screwed up…"

"He'll forgive you," she assured him, though she was not at all sure that it would be true. Brett was a wild card that often did only what he wanted to do, if he wanted to do it. Unpredictability was what Brett thrived on. And by the look on Ray's face, she could see that it was exactly the thought that was going through his mind.

"All I can do is try. For Molly anyway." With a sigh he turned toward the door. He paused before leaving, looking back at her. She caught her breath at the emotion in his eyes. "Thank you, Neela."

She smiled, swallowing hard. She didn't trust herself to speak. He nodded as if she had spoken before disappearing through the door. She stood for a long time in that one spot, trying to bring herself under control. For whatever reason, he'd come to a decision, and by everything she'd seen, it was one to bring about hope. Her throat tightened at the memory of the look in his eyes. Suddenly, she laughed ruefully. He'd come to his senses much sooner than she had. She shook her head and crossed the room to the door, a silly grin splitting her face. He always had been one to live more in the moment.

Now all she had to do was help him to remember that.

000000

Brett saw him coming and entertained the thought of just walking out. He even glanced toward the back of the bar where the "EXIT" sign was clearly displayed. By then, however, it was too late to make a clean getaway. Ray was already at the door, blinking in the dim light, so he just stayed where he was, nonchalantly bringing the beer to his lips while he looked Ray over.

He stood in the doorway as if he were lost. Brett suppressed a snort. He probably was. The man hadn't been anywhere near a bar in four years, and hadn't been this close to "Ike's" in longer than that. Brett watched covertly as Ray scanned the bar area, his blackened eyes coming to rest on him. He raised an eyebrow as Ray crossed the bar to stand next to him.

"You care if I sit down?"

Brett stared down at the counter in front of him and made a big show of lifting his bottle.

"Why ask me? You generally do whatever the hell you want to anyway."

He did his best to ignore Ray as he sat down and ordered a beer, but that was next to impossible. In the past week, he'd done little but drink and think of that ridiculous brawl. He knew that he hadn't been wrong in what he'd said, but hitting Ray, in front of his daughter… That was uncalled for. Then he would remember that Ray had hit him first and be pissed off all over again. He'd gone round and round between guilt and anger for a week until all he wanted to do was get drunk to forget it. Not that it helped. Too much had been said that never should have been.

He waited until Ray had taken his first drink before he spoke, covertly looking at him from the corner of his eye. He looked tired, the bruises around his eyes only adding to the impression of fatigue. He drank from his bottle, willing himself not to care what Ray looked like. Wanting to not give one shit what was going on with him.

He failed miserably.

"Since when did you start drinking in the afternoon?" he asked shortly as he set his bottle carefully on the bar.

"I remember many times that we started drinking when we woke up in the morning," Ray said mildly, taking a drink from his bottle.

Brett snorted.

"That was long ago and far away, amigo. Before you turned into a walking corpse."

He felt Ray stiffen beside him, but it didn't do anything but sink him deeper into the depression that he'd been diving into for the past week. He saw Ray glance at him and wince.

"Brett…"

"I am not in the mood for this, Barnett," he snapped, slamming his bottle down. "You pretty much said everything there was to say last week." He turned on his stool and slid off to stand, feeling the effects of the alcohol burn away with his anger.

"I didn't come here to fight with you, Brett," Ray said, jumping to his feet to stand toe to toe with him.

"Then why _are_ you here, Ray? Because if you're here to hit me again, I'm telling you…I'm not in the mood." He shook his head, sitting back down, his anger draining away. He didn't want to do this again. Not with Ray. "Not in the mood at all," he finished softly, drinking from the bottle. The beer was piss warm, but he swallowed anyway to hide the churning in his gut. He felt Ray take the seat beside him and sigh heavily.

"Man, I'm sorry about that," Ray said. "I didn't mean…"

Brett finally looked at him. Really looked at him and annoyance trickled in to sting his blood.

"You didn't mean to what?" he growled. "To hit me for telling the truth? That was bullshit, Ray! And you damn well know it!"

"I'm sorry for all of it," Ray said quietly, his eyes on his bottle. He shook his head. "I lost my temper and said shit I didn't mean. Did shit I didn't want to do." Ray looked at him, his eyes full of…regret? "I _am_ sorry, man."

Brett could only stare at him in surprise. He'd been prepared for some denial of wrongdoing. Some petty excuse that began and ended with Lilly. A lame ass justification that he'd have to kick Ray's ass for all over again. What he hadn't expected was this easy reversal of Ray's attitude. And an apology? That was the last thing he would have ever thought would come from Ray Barnett.

"Ok. Who are you, and what did you do with Ray?"

Ray glanced at him and snorted in wry amusement.

"Shut up, asshole," he said with a short laugh. "I shouldn't have hit you. Ok? There, I said it." He paused, wincing. "Especially not in front of Molly. I was pissed off…"

"So I noticed," Brett shot out, lightly touching the split in his lip. A nice bruise had formed around the area that was now a sickly faded yellow green. Very pretty. "I didn't say anything that wasn't the truth, Ray." He looked over to find Ray staring at him, a look of hard determination on his face. Brett rolled his eyes. "All right, so my timing sucked…"

"Yes."

Brett made a face. "And I could have said it a little…"

"…more tactfully? Yes."

Brett couldn't help but laugh. He and tact hadn't been even nodding acquaintances for years. It felt good to laugh after the hell he'd been through since Ray had tossed him out of the apartment. He'd missed his friend. He'd missed his family for Christ's sake.

"I guess so, yeah," he finally admitted. "So what now? Do we kiss and make up?"

"You are a sick man, Brett, but not yet. You still have a lot to answer for." Ray turned fully to face Brett, his eyes gleaming with mild hurt. "Such as why you never told me about Lilly in the first place."

Brett ducked his head. He had kept the information a secret then to save Ray a lot of pain. Brett didn't know what Ray would have done had he known at the time, but there had been ample opportunity to tell him since. It had just never seemed to be the right time, or the right place, until, after a time, it had become one of those things that festered. One of those secrets that had become too big, too dark to bring out. But now it was out, and he wondered briefly if he'd screwed up by saying nothing.

"I didn't…" Brett sighed heavily and turned back toward the bar. "You had enough shit to deal with when Lilly died without me adding to it with that." He glanced at Ray sheepishly. "Anyway…would you have listened?"

Ray looked away, answering his question more effectively than any words could have. Brett nodded.

"There you go," he said. He lifted his beer before pushing it away. He wasn't in the mood to get drunk anymore. "Lilly wouldn't have wanted you to live like you have been. She gave you Molly, yes. But she would have wanted you to move on, man. If not for yourself, for your daughter. I mean, is this what you want to teach the kid? That it's ok to sit on your ass dwelling on the past?"

Ray shook his head, his eyes on his beer. "No."

"Well. At least you'll admit that," Brett said with some satisfaction and not a little surprise. "So. Where does that leave us?"

Ray laughed and took a drink from his beer.

"Well, I was hoping that you could do me a favor."

"I'm not gonna kiss your boo boo, Ray. I don't care how much you pay me."

Ray grimaced at glanced at him.

"You need professional help. What I was wondering is if you want to come to Molly's soccer game this afternoon. She's been asking for you."

Brett felt his throat tighten. God, he'd missed that kid! He didn't think that a day had gone by in the past four years when he hadn't seen her…except for this week. He nodded.

"That didn't take long," he said, turning the bottle in his hands. "Thought you'd hold out for another day or two before you caved," Brett grunted, knowing all too well that persuasive talent in the girl. She'd turned it into a weapon against the adults in her life to get pretty much anything she wanted. "And I don't know a damn thing about soccer."

"Neither do I," Ray began then cleared his throat. "But…uh…Neela's going with us. She can explain…"

He trailed off when Brett swung around to stare at him.

"She's still talking to you?" he asked incredulously. "Damn. She's really got it bad then." He grinned and clapped Ray on the shoulder. "And yes, I'll take the kids again tonight." Then his grin faded, and he frowned. "But I don't want to see either one of you until tomorrow. You got that? None of this ten o'clock bull shit. Go out. Have fun. Talk. Go to her place…"

Ray glanced at him and smiled.

"You really are a pain in the ass, you know that?"

Brett grinned.

"I aim to please. And Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"What the hell took you so long?"


	10. Chapter 10

_Wow! It has certainly been a minute since we were here! Sorry about that, folks. When RL intrudes, it intrudes in big, incomprehensible ways. But here we are. Back again, with another chapter. We do hope that you'll continue to let us know how we're doing, and hopefully, we can start updating on a more regular basis...So Happy Holidays to you all...This is our present to you..._

_Yours, as always, _

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen _

10

_Never again, _Ray thought in disgust as they left the soccer field. _I am never bringing that man to another game._

He ground his teeth as Brett rambled on about the soccer game, asking anyone that was brave enough or incautious enough to make eye contact what this rule or that rule was. Why didn't they call something for the other team when it was called for this team? Ray grimaced as several parents scurried past, clearly avoiding looking at the certifiable madman with the bruised face and the multi-colored hair. Brett didn't seem to notice but kept with his highly vocal diatribe. For a man who couldn't have cared less about soccer two hours ago, he was acting like a die hard fan.

"Why the hell do I bring him out in public?" he grumbled, earning a peal of delighted laughter from Neela.

"Because he's entertaining," she offered.

"He's friggin frightening. I'm expecting someone to call Chicago PD and report him as an escaped psych patient."

She grinned, glancing back at Brett. When her smile faded, Ray followed her gaze, shaking his head as he found Molly perched on Brett's shoulders. She was really getting too big to be doing that.

Then his gaze lowered to Raymond who was watching the two of them with a look that tugged at Ray's heart. Suddenly he understood the sad look in Neela's eyes. Raymond's look was somewhere between bewilderment and envy. For the first time, he actually thought of the boy who was his namesake, wondering about him. By Neela's own words, Little Ray's father wanted nothing to do with him, which pissed Ray off. Molly was his life, and he couldn't imagine his life without her. From all he'd seen Raymond was a good kid. How could a father not want anything to do with his child?

He glanced back at Neela, suddenly realizing that he'd judged her too harshly. He'd said things to her that could at best be termed as cruel. He didn't have any idea what she'd gone through after she'd returned to England. That was just one of many things they were going to have to talk about.

But not yet. Now was a time for the kids. Later would be time enough to resurrect that pain.

He turned around, smiling down at her son. Without a word, he picked the kid up and set him on his shoulders, ignoring the pain as a cleated foot found his ribs and an excited screech nearly ruptured his eardrum.

"Look, Mama! I'm taller than you are now."

Ray looked at Neela and felt a pang in his heart at the sight of her grateful smile before she beamed up at her son.

"I see that. You will come down for ice cream, won't you?" she asked.

Ray grunted as the kid squirmed, planting a heel into his ribs as if Ray were a favored horse. The kids cheered overenthusiastically, and Ray grinned at Brett's pained wince. Served him right for acting like a psycho.

"Just think, Brett. This is just the beginning. You have them all night, sugar rushed and all."

Brett shot him a wry look. "I don't know if I'm gonna make it."

000000

It was funny how things in life always came full circle. Neela couldn't help but think that as she brought the beer from the kitchen and handed Ray the bottle. They'd once been in this same position; sitting in the couch in their flat, watching celebrity poker and swilling beer and pizza. Here they were again, ten years later, doing the same thing. There was no poker game on the TV. His clothes weren't strewn all over the place, tripping her wherever she went. There were a few more lines on their faces than before, but they were falling back into the old habits that had once defined their friendship.

And she couldn't have been happier about it.

She'd said nothing about Ray's attention to her son, but she would never forget it. It had saddened her to see that look of longing on her child's face as he'd watched Molly with her 'Uncle' Brett. She'd never realized what it meant to a boy to have a male role model around. But the smile that had lit his whole face when Ray had perched him on his shoulders had driven away any sadness she'd held. And the look Ray had given her had warmed her to the core.

"Are you all right?"

She jerked from her reverie to find Ray staring at her with that intense look on his face that he'd been wearing ever since leaving the ice cream parlor. She'd not asked him about it. By unspoken agreement, they hadn't talked about anything more pressing than what to get on their pizza and what they had been doing at work. Not until they reached her apartment. What needed to be said between them was better left away from prying ears and eyes.

"I'm fine," she said, drinking from her bottle before settling on the couch beside him. "I was just thinking about this afternoon." She smiled painfully. "Thank you for what you did with Raymond."

He turned and leaned against the back of the couch, staring at her.

"He's a good kid. You should be proud of him."

"I am. Very much. I just wish…"

"What?"

"That he had a father who cared for him like you do Molly. It's the only thing I…"

She broke off, not wanting to go into that. Nicholas was not something she wanted to think about, but Ray had other ideas.

"You never did tell me about his father," he said quietly.

She winced. "I…Nicholas was a mistake. I thought he was someone he wasn't, and Raymond has had to suffer for it."

He raised an eyebrow. "And who did you think he was?"

She swallowed before looking at him. "You."

He hesitated, his gaze searching her face. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, sending a shiver of awareness through her whole being.

"You've done a good job with him, Neela."

She smiled. "I've heard that somewhere before haven't I?"

His smile was all she could have hoped for and left her feeling breathless. God, he had an amazing smile!

"Yes, you did. You said it to a very stubborn ass a week or two ago." He shook his head with a grimace. "Listen, Neela…the reason I wanted to talk to you was…well, I wanted to say I'm sorry. About everything I said and did. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know, Ray. I know very well."

He sighed, dropping his eyes to his hands as they toyed with the label on the bottle.

"Brett was right, you know. I never did stop thinking about you. And after Lilly died, there was always a part of me that felt guilty for it…thinking that maybe she'd known…"

"Ray…"

"No, I need to say this. When you left, it tore me apart. I understand it all now, but I couldn't understand then. I didn't want to. Lilly helped me pick up the pieces." He raised his head to look at her, his eyes burning into hers. "But Lilly's gone. As much as I loved her, I can't bring her back. And you were right. I can't keep living like I'm the one who died."

He raised his hand to cup her cheek in his palm. She felt the caress all the way through her. She covered his hand with her own, staring into his beautiful green-gold eyes, smelling the scent of his aftershave surrounding her. And when he leaned forward to take her mouth with his, she thought she would stop breathing with the sweetness of his kiss.

"Help me," he whispered, his breath softly caressing her skin. "Show me how to live again, Neela."

Her heart skipped a beat when she heard those words. Every sense she possessed was now focused on this one man. She could taste him on her tongue; feel his warmth surrounding her, filling her with emotions she'd not experienced in a very long time, hear the harsh rasp of his breathing as he watched her.

_No_, she thought as his thumb brushed across her cheekbone, sending a shiver through her. _I've never felt anything like this._

His eyes searched hers, waiting for her answer, waiting for her to say something. There was nothing she could say. But she knew what to do. Leaning forward, gave him a passionate kiss that held more than simply her promise. It carried with it everything she'd ever felt for him, every thought she'd ever had for him. His hands tangled in her hair as he matched the urgency she was feeling with passion all his own, devouring her as if he were starving for her.

He was going to drown in her. He could feel it in every labored breath, in every faltering thud of his heart as she trailed kisses from his mouth, across his jaw to his throat. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this sense of urgency to make love to a woman. Felt as if the need to be with her, to take her was the only thing that mattered. He hadn't felt like this in years. Fisting his hands in her shirt, he wrenched it up over her head, needing to feel the warmth of her skin beneath his hands.

He knew he'd made a mistake the moment he did. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her white lacy bra that accentuated the honey gold of her skin. The sight of her, straddling his waist, was enough to send him over the edge. She was showing just enough skin to make him hungry for more, and not nearly enough to satisfy. He didn't know anymore if he could be patient. Reverently, he brushed the backs of his fingers over one silk covered breast, staring deep into her eyes to watch her response. Her eyes darkened to almost black as she covered his hand with her own, sliding his hand beneath the silk to the warm skin below. He sucked in a breath at the feel of her nipple beneath his palm, her breast a warm slight weight in his hand. His body tightened painfully, straining against his jeans, making him wish he'd worn something else.

"Ray…" she gasped before lowering her mouth to his.

It was too much. Her searing kiss sent him spiraling out of control. With a groan of pure desperation, he pulled her down to the couch, covering her body with his as he did his best to kiss her as senseless as he was. He didn't hold out hope that he would be able to hold out until they reached her bedroom. He needed her with a desperation that bordered on pain. It had been too long since he'd been with a woman. Or was it simply that he was with this woman? He didn't know, and no longer cared. All he knew, all he ever hoped to known centered on being in her. If he couldn't be inside her soon, he would lose his mind.

She saw the need in his eyes and her body thrilled to it. Heat bloomed in her lower belly as she felt the evidence of his arousal nestled between her legs. She whimpered angling her hips, pressing herself closer. There was an urgency in this, a deep seated need that she hadn't been prepared for. But as his mouth moved lower, tasting his way down her throat to her collar bone, she wondered if anyone could prepare themselves for something like this.

The violence of her emotions didn't scare her as it once would have. She cradled his head in her hands, her fingers twining in the soft strands as he lowered his head to take her nipple in his mouth. No, this had been building in them both for a long time. Time, circumstances, their own stubborn pride…all of it had only delayed the inevitable. But now, they were here, in the moment. And Ray felt anything but dead as he began to remove what clothes she was still wearing, his hands sliding across her skin, marking her with heat everywhere he touched.

He fumbled with her clothes even as she was tearing at his, neither of them willing to break their kisses to tend that small detail. Somehow, he found himself lying atop her, skin to skin, her legs wrapped round his waist, her perfect breasts crushed against his chest. He broke their kiss long enough to stare into her eyes. The look on her face took his breath away and filled him with some heated emotion his mind couldn't put a name to. He swallowed hard, his entire being focused on her eyes, the feel of her body against his so soft and yielding, comforting. The touch of her hands as they stroked across his skin.

He shifted his hips and slid into her slowly, watching her eyes as he went. It was all he could do not to throw back his head and howl. She was ready for him, taking him in as if he belonged there. She felt better than he'd dreamed she would, as if she'd been made for him. And the look in her eyes as she pulled him down for another kiss was almost more than he could take. He groaned against her lips as she moved beneath him, urging him on with the same frenzied need that was in him. Every sense he had suddenly focused on where they were joined and he knew there was no way he could make this last. He needed her too much at that moment to take things slow.

Closing his eyes, whispering her name, he could only hold on long enough to feel her tighten around him before he lost what mind he could still claim. Dimly, he heard her cry out, calling his name as she clutched him to her, his mind failing in that one perfect moment of bliss.

Ray could only lie still in the aftermath, his breathing coming in short gasps as he buried his face in the dark spill of her hair. The spicy sweet scent of her perfume intoxicated him, making him wish that he could just stay in that spot the rest of his life. Completely sated, completely at peace. He'd not felt this in so long…

He felt her fingers combing through his hair and lifted his head to look at her, his emotions churning. He regretted the haste with which he'd taken her, but she could forgive him that if her small smile was any indication. Kissing her softly, he tightened his arms around her, already wanting her again. Later would be slow. Later they could take the time…the time to savor, to explore. This had been about something else. Something that felt almost like...

"Neela…" he began softly, unsure of what to say. How could he put to words what was in his heart? Words didn't seem adequate to encompass what he was feeling. How could he possibly thank her for the gift she was giving him? At this moment, there was no past between them. There was no thought of hurt feelings or pain. No old ghosts to hold them back. It was just the two of them. A man and woman who needed each other.

But then, words weren't necessary as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close to her, telling him clearly that she was not going anywhere. He tightened his hold on her as he rested his head on her shoulder, letting the warmth of her body and love in her touch seep into him, mending the pieces that had for too long cut him. As he listened to her breathing slow, and felt the soft touch of her hand, he closed his eyes feeling a sense of completion. A sense…

…of Destiny.


	11. Chapter 11

_Hey everyone! Yes, we're actually writing again...and in a timely fashion...;) As always we hope that everyone will let us know how we're doing. We love the feedback from everyone. Just for the record, the song lyrics included in this chapter are from the song "Pieces" by Red. It is an exceptional song for almost every musical taste, and we highly recommend it. Also, just a warning there is some sexual content in this chapter, so...;) So, Happy New Year to you all...and until next time..._

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

11

Ray lay still on her bed, letting the warmth of her body seep into him. Her back was pressed against his front without so much as a hairsbreadth between them, her head pillowed on his arm. He didn't want it any other way. He didn't care if his arm fell off; he wanted to spend the night holding her, feeling her close to him, listening to her breathing. Her heart beat strongly beneath his other hand where it rested on her chest. He smiled, listening to the music that softly played in the background. She'd turned it on with a sheepish look shot his way.

"I got so used to listening to music and voices when I was sleeping, that I couldn't sleep without them anymore."

He smiled and closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep. He was tired, but in a way he'd not been in a long time. This was an exhaustion borne from happiness, not misery. His mind kept replaying what had happened between them, savoring it, treasuring it for the miracle it was.

They'd made love again in her bed. In her room. A room that was a curious mixture of Indian opulence and Western minimalism. The bed was a simple double, but with a wrought iron headboard draped in brilliant silk. Bright blue silk embroidered with gold dripped from a lampshade. Pictures of her parents, her sisters and brothers, and Raymond overflowed the night table and clambered across the walls. He hadn't seen a single picture of Michael, but then, she'd long since finished grieving for him. Something he was only now learning how to do.

They had taken their time in their second loving, taken the time to touch, to feel, leaving them both more breathless than their earlier passion filled coupling. He didn't think he could ever feel anything better than the soft touch of her hand on his skin, the feel of her body beneath him, welcoming him. There was no guilt in their union, nothing to hurt. Only a connection that he wondered if he would ever get enough of. He would never see anything as wondrous as the darkened flame in her eyes as he entered her, her body taking him in as surely as her heart.

That was one of the many reasons he loved her. She'd taken him in when he'd given her every reason to turn her back. He'd said things that were unforgivable, but she still offered him herself. All of herself, for this was more than sex. This was a bond that he'd been missing for far too long.

His mind drifted, hearing the slow melody of a piano intertwined with acoustic guitar on the edge of his awareness. He listened with half an ear, tuned for no other reason than habit, playing the chords in his mind, unconsciously trying to replicate the beat. The melody of the piano was intertwined with a harmony and counter harmony using stringed orchestra. It wasn't usually the type of music he listened to, but the song was haunting, moving, and fitted his mood. The vocalist joined, winding a good strong voice with the instruments to create a beautiful whole. He was good, but the words were what caught Ray tight round his heart.

_I'm here again_

_A thousand miles away from you_

_A broken mess_

_Just scattered pieces of who I am_

_I tried so hard_

_Thought I could do this on my own_

_I've lost so much along the way_

He tightened his arms around Neela, listening to it with everything in him, and tears rose to sting his eyes. He had lost. He'd lost a woman who had given him love when he'd believed he would never know it. And he'd tried to make it alone. Had tried so damned hard to be what he thought he should be, but inside he'd always been shattered. A mess that he hadn't known how to fix. He'd forgotten who he was; forgotten what it was to be alive.

_I've come undone_

_But you make sense of who I am_

_Like puzzle pieces in your hand_

He glanced down at Neela's dark head and lifted his hand to stroke her hair back from her face. She had seen him for who he was. She always had. And she'd seen what he'd refused to admit even to himself. That he was falling apart inside. Without anything to put him back together again. For a brief moment, he couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Closing his eyes, he held on, suddenly afraid. She was changing everything in him. Healing the parts of him that had been torn apart. But what would he become? Would he be something he didn't know, or would he be better than he every hoped to be?

He felt her turn and opened his eyes to find her watching him. Her puzzled expression turned knowing as the song reached its climax. She held his gaze and twined her fingers with his.

_When I see your face_

_I know I'm finally yours_

_I find everything_

_I thought I'd lost before_

_You call my name_

_I come to you in pieces_

_So you can make me whole_

Searching her eyes, he stroked his fingers down her cheek before pulling her against his chest, holding tight to her as the song wove around them. He felt her arms embrace him, holding him close as her fingers twined in his hair.

"It's all right, Ray," she whispered softly in his ear. "I'm here."

Neela couldn't do anything but hold him as the song neared its end. It was a song she'd listened to hundreds of times. She loved it because it was beautiful; poignant yet hopeful. She loved the mix of rock with classical orchestration and the way they seemed to fit together as if it belonged. But she'd never truly thought about the words. They'd simply been perfect for the overall mood of the song.

But with Ray holding on to her like a drowning man, she couldn't help but think of them. And as he began to speak, telling her about Lilly, spilling all the emotions he'd kept bottled up, letting go of all the pain of the past four years, she could be nothing but grateful to the composers. Music was again Ray's saving grace, giving him a means to release what he felt inside, showing him the way as nothing else ever could. It was something that she'd barely understood before, but now she did.

"I can't do this alone anymore," she heard him say.

He lifted his head to look down at her, his eyes pleading with her to understand. Pleading with her to help him. It was a look that she very much knew, for she'd seen that same look in the mirror ten years before. A look of loss, of confusion, but most of all of need.

"You're not alone, Ray. Never alone…"

He stroked her hair from her face, his fingertips brushing across her skin. Offering a small smile, he bent his head to give her a soft kiss that nonetheless left her reeling.

He bent his head to kiss her and all words between them fled, leaving only sensation. This was nothing like before. First, there had been passion. An all encompassing passion that had swept them both away. Then had come sweetness. A sweetness that had nearly left her in tears. But now…

This was deeper than both combined. She could feel his hands stroking her body, sated herself with the scent of his skin, with the taste of him on her tongue. But beneath it all, she felt something more than the visceral union they were sharing. This went soul deep, searing her, melting them together with a bond that went beyond friendship, beyond love.

He rolled to his back, bringing her with him to straddle his waist. And as she looked down at him, lying on her bed with the white sheets setting off his darker skin, she nearly came undone. The look in his eyes was all she could have hoped for. As if she was the only person he could see in that moment. It echoed something in herself that sent her hurtling over the edge, clinging to him as she cried out his name.

And the sound of her name pulled from his throat as he came for her reverberated through her, bringing tears to her eyes as they held each other.

"Where do we go from here?" he asked softly after a long moment spent doing nothing but listening to the sound of their combined heartbeats and the soft sound of music in the background.

Lacing her fingers in his, she settled herself beside him. She never would have guessed that she would find such peace, such quiet enjoyment from such a simple touch. But with Ray it was as if she'd found the missing pieces she'd been looking for her whole life. She didn't want to be anywhere but where she was, lying side by side, staring into his eyes.

"One day at a time," she said finally after giving it some thought. She wasn't certain if he was ready for the all encompassing love that she felt. She wasn't about to push him to it. "But I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled her close with a small smile.

"Not that I would let you," he said as he tucked her close to his side. "I let you go once, Neela. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

Neela couldn't stop the tears that rose in her eyes as she felt him relax in sleep. No, she wasn't about to leave. She too had learned from her mistakes. And leaving him the first time had been the greatest of them. But she recognized this for what it was. A chance to fulfill some need in her that had always before been denied.

And as she drifted off to sleep, feeling his arms holding her so close, her father's words again rose in her mind, and she smiled.


	12. Chapter 12

_All right party people...have a couple things to cover before you move on. First, we wanna thank everyone who reviewed and/or read the previous chapters to this. You are all awesome! Second, we just wanna put a little beverage warning on this one. Don't drink anything while you're reading. We don't want anyone to spit anything on their computer...or worse yet...choke. We hope that you'll let us know what you think of this. And..until later..._

_We are yours,_

_butterflyswest and Erin Allen_

12

"Do you have the purple?"

Without looking up, Molly held out the purple marker, pausing only long enough to make sure that the picture she was drawing looked like she wanted it to. Frowning, she tilted her head to the side. The eyes looked weird, but there was nothing for it now. Marker wasn't exactly erasable.

"Do you think Momma and your daddy will be here soon?" Raymond whispered from where he crouched beside her, making his own drawing. "They were gone all night."

Molly nodded after placing one finger to her lips to silence him. She didn't want to wake up Uncle Brett yet.

"Are you sure this is ok?" Raymond whispered so softly she barely heard him.

"Of course it is," she said with confidence, though she knew better. "I'm allowed to use my markers to draw with."

"But…"

Whatever he'd been about to say was cut off by the sound of the key in the door. They shot each other wild looks and hurriedly snatched up the markers. They raced to her room, hearts pounding, listening for the sound of footsteps in the apartment.

"Do you think they're still asleep?" Molly heard Raymond's mommy ask softly. She grinned at Raymond.

"Molly's usually up pretty early, but with Raymond here I don't know. Brett probably let them stay up all night."

Molly stifled her giggle and felt Raymond laughing silently beside her. Uncle Brett had fallen asleep before even they had. They'd had the run of the place since last night. There was no "letting" about it.

"Dear Lord, Ray," Neela's shocked voice cut through her reverie. "What happened to your kitchen?"

Molly's mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide in her face. Raymond wore the same look. Oops. They'd forgotten about the little mishap in the kitchen. After Brett had fallen asleep, they were thirsty and tried to pour some milk. It hadn't gone very well. And with milk, of course they'd needed cookies. The package had broken, spilling cookies and crumbs all over the place. The broom seemed to make it worse instead of better, and when the handle of the broom had knocked over the flour container, they'd just given up. What was the use in trying to clean up if the mess kept getting bigger?

"Jesus! What the hell happened in here? Looks like a food fight gone bad."

Molly stifled a groan. Her daddy sounded mad. That was not good.

"I've seen worse," Raymond's mommy said. "Do you remember how our old apartment looked?"

To Molly's surprise, her daddy laughed.

"I was such a slob. How did you put up with me?"

"I don't know." There was a heavy sigh, followed by soft laughter. "I never thought I'd be cleaning up after you all over again."

"I didn't do this," her daddy said in disgust. "And you don't have to." Molly frowned in confusion. Her dad sounded strange.

"I don't? Then I could just sit here and watch? Take in the view as it were?"

Her dad laughed, and there was silence for a long time.

"What are they doing?" Raymond hissed in her ear.

She shook her head. She didn't know, but she was going to find out. Silently, she crawled to the door and stuck her head out to look down the hall to the kitchen. What she saw, made her face go all hot, and her stomach flutter. Her daddy was kissing Raymond's mommy. A peal of laughter rose in her throat but she swallowed it down and ducked back into the room before it could get away. Clapping her hands over her mouth, she rocked back and forth as giggles tried to break free. Her stomach started to hurt and if she didn't stop soon she was going to have to run for the bathroom.

"What is it?"

She shook her head, tears now pouring from her eyes as the giggles kept coming. Raymond frowned and sighed as if he thought she'd suddenly gone stupid before he too stuck his head out the door. He was back just as quickly, looking sick.

"That's just…just…ewww," he said, his golden toned skin going almost gray. "How can they do that? That's just wrong."

"Why?" Molly managed to gasp out. "My daddy kisses me all the time."

"Not like that," he groused. "It's…"

Whatever he'd been about to say was interrupted by Ray's voice calling her name. Her full name. She sat bolt upright, all her giggles gone. Her daddy sounded really annoyed.

"Uh oh," she whispered before jumping to her feet. "They must have found our pictures."

Raymond shot her a "duh" look.

"And you said it would be ok," he said sullenly, rising more slowly and following her from the room.

Ray didn't know whether to laugh or get really angry as the two children shuffled from the back room. He was leaning more toward laughter. In fact, Neela was curled in a ball against the wall with her hands clapped over her mouth, tears streaming down her cheeks in an effort to hold in her laughter. He shot her a sardonic look that seemed only to exacerbate the situation as she closed her eyes and shook her head, her entire body shaking with suppressed mirth. When the kids were standing in front of him, both of them looking guilty as hell, he crouched down in front of them.

"Who's idea was it?" he asked. He had a feeling that he didn't need to explain what he was talking about. They looked at each other, Raymond's sullen expression on Molly telling more than any words who was responsible. Ray sighed heavily, more to hold in a howl of laughter than anything.

"You know better, young lady," he said, managing to sound as if he meant it. In fact, he really wanted to grab her, hug her senseless, and congratulate her on her cleverness. "I want you both in your room right now. Clean up the mess I know is in there and put your markers away. We'll discuss the mess in the kitchen later."

"Okay, daddy," she said with a sigh of infinite patience. She gave him a curious look then glanced at Neela. "Are you gonna kiss Raymond's mommy again when we leave?"

Heat flooded Ray's face as a squeak came from Neela's general direction. He didn't dare look at her, though the temptation was almost more than he could take.

"We'll talk about privacy and eavesdropping later too," he said, turning her around toward the hall. It was almost too much when Raymond gave her an angry glare and said, "I told you we shouldn't do it."

Ray turned around when they were gone and looked back into the living room.

"Well, what should we do?" he asked. "Let him sleep, or wake him up?"

"Wake him up," Neela said, her voice sounding shaky. "And send him home like that."

Ray turned his head and raised an eyebrow.

"What? Just give him the bum's rush for the door? Shouldn't we at least let him clean up?"

"Serves him right for falling asleep on the job. Look at the kitchen."

Ray thought about it for all of two seconds.

"You're right."

He rounded the couch and nudged his friend with the toe of his shoe.

"Brett. We're home. Wake your ass up."

Brett sat up as if a shot had gone off, his eyes wildly searching the room. He glanced up and blew out a breath when he saw Ray standing over him.

"Jesus. When did you get home? What time is it?"

"Just a few minutes ago. And it's daytime. You should go ahead and go home. Get some sleep there."

Brett rubbed his hands over his face. A face that had been transformed into a canvas for the artwork of two very creative six year olds. There was what seemed to be a purple dog on his left cheek and a green and blue butterfly on his other. Molly's name was written in childish letters across his forehead in orange marker, and Little Ray's name was neatly printed across his chin in brown. Flowers in every color were drawn on his temples and twined around the letters, complete with stems and leaves. It was all Ray could do not to break down, fall on the floor and laugh until he pissed himself.

But that would defeat the purpose.

"Come on man. Go on home. We've got the kids."

Brett rose to his feet, his hands tangling his already tangled hair. He paused and turned, finding Neela standing by the sofa.

"Have a good time last night?" he asked with a grin. The expression only made the drawings on his face seem that much more bizarre. Neela bit her lip and nodded as if she didn't trust herself to speak.

"I'll go see to the kitchen," she finally managed in a choked voice and whirled away.

Brett shook his head and raised an eyebrow at Ray.

"All righty then. I can see when I'm not wanted." He lowered his voice and leaned toward Ray. "I want details later."

Ray nodded, his gut clenching and his face actually hurting with the need to hold in his laughter. He followed Brett to the door.

"I'll call you later," he promised as he closed the door behind Brett. When the latch clicked, he couldn't hold it in anymore. He doubled over and howled with laughter. A moment later, he felt Neela settle beside him on the floor as they collapsed against the wall.

"I didn't actually think you'd send him out like that," she gasped out.

"Oh, I'm expecting a call any minute now. If someone in the building doesn't tip him off, he'll see it when he gets in his car."

She dissolved into a fresh spate of giggles before leaning over to kiss him.

"You know he'll be gunning for you," she said when she broke the kiss.

"It's worth it," he told her with a grin. Suddenly his laughter dried up, and he shot her a look. "I think we're going to have to have a talk with the kids."

She smiled and a becoming color stole into her cheeks.

"Yes. And soon."

"I know. They really shouldn't draw on people when they're asleep. It's really bad manners."

She laughed and slapped his arm.

"I meant about us," she chided gently. "I cannot believe they saw us…"

Ray searched her eyes before reaching out to cup her cheek in his palm. He didn't regret that they'd been seen. In fact it was somewhat of a relief. He didn't want any secrets between them anymore. He wanted Neela in his life for a long time to come. He wanted her son in his life. A son that seemed so much like her that it was almost frightening. He smiled. Then laughed. His daughter was so much like him that it was frightening. And it seemed that some friendships were destined to be. Some history was bound to repeat itself, and Molly was trying her damnedest to see that it did.

He leaned forward, meaning to kiss her, to show her how very much he wanted her. Her eyes darkened and her lips parted in anticipation of his kiss.

A harsh vibration at his hip made him jump as "Psycho" by Puddle of Mudd played from his cell phone. Neela raised an eyebrow, but Ray could only grin. It was Brett's ring tone.

"Hold that thought," he whispered, giving her a quick kiss before snatching the phone from his belt. He flipped the phone open and pressed it to his ear. "Yes? Forget something?"

He started laughing and pulled the phone from his ear, hitting speaker to let Brett's voice scream at them both.

"…and I cannot fucking believe that you let me walk out like this! You and your woman! You're both getting it. Hear me? You are so dead they'll have to bury you twice. You know what paybacks are don't you? And Molly? That girl is toast the next time I see her. Her and her little friend…"

"I think he's mad," Neela said quietly before leaning against Ray for support as she laughed.

As he wrapped his arms around her, still listening to the dire consequences that Brett was threatening them with, he couldn't help but feel that everything in his life had been leading up to this one perfect moment. This was what it was to live. To be alive. Sharing laughter with the one he loved. Holding her next to his heart. Knowing that his life was never going to be the same again because he would have someone to share it with. He'd forgotten how truly wondrous that could be.

"I love you, Neela," he said softly, before snapping the phone shut and kissing her as he wanted.


	13. Chapter 13

13

Neela winced as the broken chords twanged through the house from the music room. She almost wished that Ray would finally accept that his daughter had not inherited his musical talent and give it up. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. Grimacing as another chord scraped roughly against her nerves, she loaded the dishwasher, trying to tune it all out without much success. She'd hoped for a little peace and quiet on her day off, but Ray had other plans.

The slamming of a door, followed by rapid footsteps made her pause, listening with every sense she possessed. She stood, her head tilted as she listened to another door open. The screech of a badly played guitar grew louder for an instant before it cut off completely. Neela sighed in relief for a minute before her son's voice cut through her.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asked tightly. "Or is it the entire city you want dead? Can you just stow the noise for a while, Molly?"

"Oh, dear," Neela breathed. She'd never heard Raymond so angry. More rapid footsteps pounded down the hall toward her and she raised her head to watch her four year old nearly trip over himself getting to her. AJ's little face was on the verge of tears as he slid into her legs, with his dark hair tousled into corkscrews and a smudge of dirt across his cheek.

"Momma, come quick. Waymond is gonna kill Molly. Then Daddy gonna kill Waymond."

She suppressed the urge to laugh at the child's lisping words, but it was hard. AJ had melodrama down to an art form.

"Daddy is not going to kill Raymond," she said firmly. "Go on to your room and watch your movie while I see what's happening."

"Daddy won't kill Waymond?" he asked, lifting his head to look at her. If she wasn't mistaken, there was a distinct flash of disappointment in the little imp's dark eyes.

"Go on, sprout," she said, with a smirk as she gently herded him from the kitchen. Even now, she could hear the raised voices of her two oldest children as they fought, and the sound of snorted laughter that could only be her husband. She frowned. At the very least, he could break up this latest tiff, she thought as she left AJ with his movie.

Striding down the hall, she slowed to a halt at the music room, staring at the scene before her with new understanding of Ray's laughter. Molly and Raymond were across the room from each other, shouting as if there was a chasm between them. Ray, however wasn't watching them at all. His eyes were fixed with amusement on the three babies on the floor. The triplets were watching the two older children in fascination, their blue eyes shifting back and forth from Molly to Raymond, depending on which was screaming at the moment. They looked like they were watching a particularly fascinating tennis match. And the identical looks of astounded wonder on their cherubic faces were almost more than she could handle.

"You couldn't play your way out of a wet paper bag," Raymond was saying with disdain. "You're not setting your fingers on the frets right. Give it up before we all lose our minds."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Molly shot back, throwing her dark ponytail arrogantly over her shoulder. Neela raised an eyebrow at the expression on her face, seeing the woman she would one day become in the fully adult look. "I can so play, I just need to practice."

"Practice?" Raymond said incredulously, and Neela's eyes shot to him. At ten years old, he stood nearly as tall as she did. Some days she wondered if he would have any clothes that fit him when he woke up in the mornings he was growing so quickly. "Your practice is killing me. Dad, tell her. She can't play the E chord unless she sets her fingers right."

Ray raised his eyebrows and turned with a startled look, as if he hadn't expected to be dragged into this.

"I already told her. She just needs…"

"If you think you can do any better," Molly said sharply, holding out the guitar, "Then you do it."

Raymond curled his lip, snatching the neck of the guitar from her hands. Neela held her breath as she watched Molly's smug smile of triumph turn to a slack jawed look of astonishment as Raymond played the piece without so much as one mistake. When he'd finished, he handed the guitar back to her with a smirk.

"I have homework to do," he said, whirling on his heel and leaving the room. He didn't even spare Neela a glance as he passed, slamming his bedroom door behind him. Neela raised her eyes to meet Ray's gaze. He smiled, and shrugged.

"He wanted to learn, so I taught him," he said.

The hair on the back of Neela's neck rose as Molly set the guitar in her lap and tried to play the piece. The sound was like fingernails on a chalkboard and would have awakened the dead. Neela didn't miss the way Ray cringed. A hiccup drew her attention to the babies on the floor and she found all three had the pre-screaming pucker to their lower lips, their big blue eyes filling with tears.

"Oh hell," Ray said as all three of them began to cry at the same time. He shot Neela a desperate look and scooped one up. "I think that's enough for today, Moll."

"But…"

Neela came fully into the room and plucked the crying child from Ray's hands, turning as he offered her the second one. She blew out a breath as she listened to crying in stereo surround sound, nearly breaking her eardrums. They'd certainly inherited their father's lung capacity.

Suddenly, the front door slammed accompanied by the sound of Brett's voice. She stepped out into the hall with the crying babies as he came into view, his brow furrowed in a frown.

"Who's been torturing my kids?" he asked as he took first one baby then the other from Neela.

"Molly," she said in relief as he cuddled his two boys in his arms. "Ray was giving her another music lesson."

Brett scowled at his friend as he came out with the third crying baby. Neela smiled as she looked him over. He'd changed over the past four years. He no longer looked like one of the homeless people that came into the ER on a regular basis. Dressed in clean jeans and a black skin tight tee, he didn't look like he'd simply rolled out of bed and thrown on the cleanest clothes in the laundry pile. Of course, his fiancée had a lot to do with that. Melissa was a very persuasive woman when it came to Brett, even talking him into starting his own recording business. It was the only job he'd ever held for more than a few weeks, and was a surprisingly successful venture. Of course, the man had adamantly refused to get rid of his army jacket. And he still dyed his hair whatever color struck his fancy at that moment, but there was only so much changing that a person could do in one lifetime.

"Mel will have your ass," Brett said darkly, cuddling his boys close to his chest though they'd largely stopped crying. They each had one arm flung around his neck and looked for all the world as if he was their favorite drinking buddy. It didn't matter that milk was the most potent liquid they drank, it was male bonding nonetheless.

Ray sighed as the girl in his arms squealed at the sight of her father, holding out chubby arms toward him.

"I was only trying…"

Brett handed Maddox to Neela before reaching for his daughter. She frowned. Or was it Trey she was holding? She could never tell the two boys apart. Cadence was the only one she knew with certainty because her mother always dressed her in pink.

"There's daddy's girl," Brett said, squeezing the kid so hard that she grunted out a protest. His gaze came back to Ray. "So what happened to set them off?"

"Ray threw a fit over Molly's playing and showed her up. When she tried to play the same thing, they started crying."

Brett rolled his eyes.

"You'll never teach that girl how to play, Ray. Get over it. Focus on Little Ray. There's your rocker. And hey, you've still got AJ to look forward to."

Ray blew out a long breath, and Neela wrapped her arm around his waist. He'd so hoped to teach his daughter how to play, but it was hopeless.

"With the drama king that AJ's turning into, you'll have more of a chance with him," she said quietly, smiling up into his face.

He laughed quietly and shook his head before taking the baby from her arms.

"I'll help Brett get these three in the car," he told her offering a small kiss.

She watched them go, standing in the entrance to the hallway, listening to the sound of their good natured banter. Molly came out of the music room with a scowl on her face but paused long enough to give Neela a hug before tramping off toward her room. Neela smiled as she knocked loudly on Raymond's door before ducking out of sight into her own room next door. An answering knock on the wall between their rooms was Raymond's answer. AJ's movie was a dull drone on the edge of her awareness. It was all blissfully normal behavior in the Barnett household. She sighed as she returned to the kitchen to finish what she'd been doing.

She couldn't stop the tears that burned her eyes as she finished loading the dishwasher. They weren't tears of sadness or loneliness that she'd so often shed before. These were tears of pure joy. It was as if the happiness inside of her was so big that the only way to express it was to cry. She had a husband who loved her. Three beautiful children and another on the way. Good friends. Even Brett was included in her joy. It helped that he now had a refrigerator of his own that he actually used. He'd found a good woman and had children of his own.

She didn't hear Ray as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She melted into him, smiling when his hand came to rest over her still flat belly.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. I'm just thinking how happy I am," she answered, running her hands up and down his arms.

They stayed that way for a long quiet moment, his arms cradling her close, his warmth seeping into her as she listened to the sound of his breathing, his heartbeat. Her father's words, uttered so long ago, came back to her and she felt fresh tears sting her eyes. Her destiny had indeed been determined by her deeds and actions. Had she not taken her life into her own hands things may have turned out much differently. Had Ray not listened to her, had she never returned to Chicago, they may not have been in this beautiful place. But they had. By the actions they had taken, they had both carved out a brilliant bright future for themselves. A future built on love, supported by friendship.

"I love you," she whispered.

And when the banging on the walls started again, she couldn't get angry at the fact that their children were fighting again. She could only laugh as they went down the hall to break it up before there was bloodshed, and be grateful for the path they'd chosen.

00000000000000000000000000000000

**This is the end, everyone. We want to say thank you to everyone who read or reviewed. You've all been wonderful during the long writing process, and we thank you for sticking by us. We hope that you'll let us know what you think of this final chapter as well. Take care all, and until later...**

**We are yours,**

**butterflyswest and Erin Allen**


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